Great Sex Makes You Stupid, But Celibacy Keeps You Sane.
Let me explain.
As women, no matter how strong we claim to be, we develop an emotional connection with the men we have sex with.
It results from the release of oxytocin and pheromones and it’s a powerful thing to deal with.
When I don’t exchange those hormones or engage in intimacy, I don’t get invested as deeply or as quickly in a man. Therefore, as a man’s representative begins to fade into the reality of who he actually is as a person, I can easily and quickly separate myself from him if I notice he’s not dating, mating or marriage material.
I no longer ignore the fact that six months ago he said he didn’t want a commitment. The day he says that is the day I’m done. I no longer ignore the fact that he and I don’t agree on how we’d handle certain situations, personally or professionally.
The day of that disagreement, I can decide that he’s just someone I’d like to go to a movie with, versus someone I’d like to share my body, heart, mind, dreams and life with. The longer I’m celibate, the easier it is for me to make the hard, yet very necessary, decisions about whom and for how long I want to give a man the privilege of my attention. And yes, having my attention is indeed a privilege; just ask any man who no longer has it.
Being celibate doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy men in other ways. One way in particular is by going to watch male dancers perform. I’m not intimidated by the attention they give other women in the room. Many of them are athletic and talented as dancers without any nudity involved.
I don’t expect to be taken home at night and I buy my own drinks, which is usually a bottle of water, or one glass of wine, because I like to be completely alert so that the experience can become a Rocking Chair Moment.
I’ve been tossed about, flipped over, and slathered with shaving cream in the process. There were a couple of occasions when I was very glad that I’m a long time consumer of Victoria’s Secret because my secrets were revealed.
I’ve made some new friends to say the least. I find a night out with my friends enjoying male dancers to be extremely entertaining.
The bonus is that at the end of the night, I don’t have to change my sheets or ask anyone to leave.
More importantly, I can remain in control of myself and focus on what’s best for me as a woman, because I’m unapologetically not invested emotionally or sexually. I don’t know how much longer I will remain celibate because I don’t know what the future holds for me.
For the time being, I’m enjoying the act of gathering more Rocking Chair Moments.
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