By Shemeka Michelle
I’ve often wondered why women stay in abusive relationships so long. However, I recently found out my daughter has been in an abusive relationship for months.
I wrote a blog about two months ago that my oldest daughter had decided that she wanted to be with a woman. I blamed her absent biological dad and my failed marriage as the culprit for her feeling like men aren’t shit.
Although she shared this revelation and even allowed me to write about it, my daughter maintained the relationship she was in with a young male. From experience, I knew something wasn’t right about him. Although he would get angry with her and call her a “stupid bitch,” she continuously denied any physical abuse. She’s come home on more than one occasion with a cracked phone; she flunked out of college and even suffered a broken wrist back in November. All of these things heightened my suspicions but there was nothing I could do until she admitted it.
I felt helpless.
She recently came to me in tears about a horrifying account where she alleges her boyfriend slapped, punched, bit her, drove her to a secluded park, dragged her from the car, continued to beat and threatened to kill her.
She admitted that it wasn’t the first time and that he, in fact, had been the cause of her broken wrist. She hadn’t come to us because she wanted to protect him. He had also threatened to kill us if we came after him.
I was livid and had thoughts of taking things into my own hands but, we decided to handle things the right way and we called the police. The officer showed up, took her statement, took pictures of swelling and bruises and we were sure that the law would handle it.
Imagine our shock and disappointment when we learned that a magistrate refused to press charges stating there was no probable cause. No probable cause? I was mad as hell. At times I still am!
My first reaction was to deal the young man the same hand he dealt and see if pursuing charges against me would deliver the same fate. I still can’t honestly say I’m against that idea. However, I’m starting to see the bigger picture.
Many victims of domestic violence suffer over and over and have no support!
This is probably a huge reason why many victims return to their abusers because they have nowhere else to go. I truly believe in my heart that if I wasn’t here to support my daughter, she would give up and end up in the same situation. The magistrate was a white male. Of course I can’t help but wonder if race also played a part in such a sexist decision. Initially I felt helpless all over again.
Today, my anger has motivated to make a difference!
I’ve been told that one in every four women have suffered domestic violence or sexual assault. This is just the reported numbers and I can only imagine how many incidences remain unreported. This is a growing epidemic that needs to be stopped. Abuse towards women is like a dirty little secret that many don’t want to talk about. Many people in the judicial system aren’t even educated on the topic and sit in extreme judgment.
We can’t keep turning a blind eye and allowing women to suffer in silence or sitting in judgment due to a lack of understanding. It’s time to start speaking out because #womenslivesmatter.
About Shemeka Michelle: “I was that chick. Gave it all up, all of it. I put all my eggs in one basket. Didn’t have a plan B ‘cause I believed in plan A. Then one day, all of it came to an end. All I could do was take it. I’m a survivor with three kids I HAD to make it! So instead of dying from pain and hiding in shame, I’ve decided to get NAKED.” www.nakedgirlzblog.com
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