by Toya Nicole
Anytime you enter a new relationship, whether it’s a business partnership, friendship or relationship you should always proceed with caution and be aware of any red flags. As it relates to dating, a red flag that I don’t think should be ignored is dealing with a man that has too many female friends.
It’s not that I don’t believe men and women can have platonic friendships, because it is possible. I have a small group of male friends, some that I’ve known for more than 20 years dating back to middle school, and some whom I’ve met through work or mutual friends over the recent years.
Actually one of my best friends is a guy I’ve known through work for more than 14 years; our relationship is and has always been platonic.
However, the red flag that I’m talking about is the guy you meet who ONLY seems to have female friends and is rarely hanging out with his boys. I’m not talking about the casual female acquaintance at church, business associates or the best friend since grade school.
Beware of the guy who seems to always be talking about a homegirl’s party he has to go or yet another lunch meet-up with a female friend and be real cautious if every time he uploads a selfie there are 20+ “Looking Good” or “Hey Handsome” comments from all these “friends.” You need to be giving him a major SIDE-EYE and think twice about if you want to get involved with Mr. “I just have a lot of female friends” and the main reason why is because he’s probably been “more than friends” with MOST of them.
It’s unlikely that all these female friends are women that he has never shown romantic interest or at least had the hope for more than friends at some point.
Many times what he is referring to as a “friend” is a girl that has now placed him in the friend zone after a few dates and he could be still be hoping to work his way back in. I also know many women who are still “friends” with a guy who has once a “friends with benefit” and the only difference now is that they are currently not getting those special privileges anymore. They aren’t real friends, they are just friends by default, which makes it not a pure platonic friendship but rather a messy one.
We all know about those blurred lines and how easy it is to get caught. Sometimes it’s only a matter of time before someone crosses the line and you don’t want to find yourself caught up and competing for his affections.
When a man is involved with a lot of female friends it can also be a warning sign that he is not a man who is ready for a relationship. I know many men who have a ton of female friends who haven’t been in a committed relationship in years or ever. It’s not for a lack of options, obviously, so you have to wonder what is really going on? Some need to feed their ego with the attention of numerous female friends and acquaintances yet the thought of committing to one and cutting off all his “friends” isn’t something he is willing to do.
If you are seeing someone who has a lot of female friends make sure you understand the nature of the friendships and what his intentions are with you upfront. We can all save ourselves from relationship drama and hanging out too long in the “gray area” if we adopt the philosophy from one of my favorite John Mayer songs: “Friends, Lovers or Nothing. There can only be one.”
Toya Nicole is a Blogger, Speaker and Branding Strategist helping to build bankable brands through social media and empowering women to be extraordinary in business & life. You can follow her on twitter at @ToyaNicoleMedia and her travel blog at www.mstravelchic.com (@MsTravelChic)
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