Stop Blaming Yourself; it is What it is

Stop Blaming Yourself; it is What it is
Photo: Dio Burto, via PhotoPin.

By Toni Spearman

It is, what it is!

Something profound happens to a woman after she turns forty.

It’s like a renewal of mind, body and soul that takes place. She begins to settle the fact that her body is going through a metamorphosis; the pre-menopausal experience, which is inevitable! Her forty year old mind is changing too. I’ll never forget the day after my forty fifth birthday when my mind was enlightened; some things just began to make sense.

I remember hearing the words of the Apostle Paul who said, “When I was a child, I spoke, understood and thought like a child, but when I became a (wo)man, I put away childish things (or thoughts).” The final transformation that takes place is the conversion of soul and spirit; the realization that in order to blossom into a woman of poise, you’ve got to endure many trials.

The velvety petals of a rose are surrounded by sharp and painful thorns! Oxymoron!

I often look at women in the media and in my everyday life, who are forty plus years old, and notice how graceful and elegant they are becoming (not all, but some). It’s like when you reach this phase in your life, the substance of your soul begins to seep out for the world to behold. For what you are truly made of will be seen by the way you conduct yourself on every level. Also by this time, we truly understand what it means to ‘Put your big girl panties on’ and grab life by the horns and ride, baby, ride!

Life is full of many things. Beautiful things, spectacular things, but challenging things and yes, even frightening things. I was listening to one of my favorite gospel artists the other day, J Moss, who wrote a song entitled, It is, what it is, which basically says, we may not be able to understand, comprehend or explain everything in this life, because it is, what it is!

Some situations we will never be able to change. Some people we will never be able to reach. So stop torturing yourself and blaming yourself for other people’s shortcomings. It is what it is.

The only people we can truly change is ourselves.

I am powerless over others!

Follow Toni on Twitter @ToniSpearman1

Follow Toni on Twitter @ToniSpearman1

I am loving this forty-something lifestyle, today. Somehow I have tapped into my true inner strength and discovered that I AM UNBREAKABLE! Will I stumble, yes! Will I fall down, without a doubt! But will I rise again? Every single day of my life, for the rest of my life!

It is what it is!

With love,


Toni J. Spearman is an author, (2 Faces of a Preacher’s Wife) is available now, editor and Life Coach in West Texas. Follow her on Twitter @ToniSpearman1.

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