The definition of insecurity reads “anxiety about oneself,” and that amazes me.
What’s even more amazing to me is how this anxiety and lack of confidence can be transferrable in relationships.
When you’re in a relationship with an insecure person, he or she may simply ask, “Where have you been?” But, in reality, it’s an assault on your character! Being in a relationship with a person whose lack of confidence breeds unwarranted distrust is absolutely exhausting! And, if you aren’t careful, their lack of confidence becomes YOUR lack of confidence. You begin to question everything about yourself.
Sadly, you don’t just second-guess your appearance or physical attributes; this insecurity can cause you to second-guess and lose confidence in your very purpose of being.
This is all too real for me.
I’ve had the unfortunate experience of being involved with a man who felt the need to rake over my character with a fine tooth comb. Although I never cheated on him or had a desire to be with someone else, I could never do enough to prove this fact to him.
I’m a people-person and I love to share my life experiences with others. In order to do this, I must COMMUNICATE with people. As with anything, there are going to be genuine people looking to make genuine connections, however, there are also going to be people who have ulterior motives.
This however wasn’t my problem.
My problem was the way I was constantly badgered by my partner nearly stifling my very existence. In his eyes, any man that even spoke to me only wanted to sleep with me. It never dawned on him that at his best, he made me feel like a queen. Therefore, another man’s intentions should never have caused mistrust.
It never mattered that he was the only man I had eyes for; instead, I was always treated as if I lacked the intelligence to make proper choices. My intentions were always questioned as if I lacked any type of morals and values.
Every day I strapped on tap shoes preparing for my tiring dance to prove my love.
I’m a true believer that you have to separate someone’s lack from their worth and insecurity doesn’t necessarily have to be a deal-breaker. However, I also believe that insecurity is a red flag that should NOT be overlooked. Many things can contribute to one’s lack of confidence and many of us have held anxieties about ourselves at one time or another. Still, lack of confidence should never be a way of life or a characteristic that we accept and it definitely shouldn’t be allowed in our lives when it brings unrest and disturbed peace.
Insecurity then becomes more than just a flag on the play. It’s a resounding whistle from the universal referee signaling you to end the game!
About Shemeka Michelle: “I was that chick. Gave it all up, all of it. I put all my eggs in one basket. Didn’t have a plan B ‘cause I believed in plan A. Then one day, all of it came to an end. All I could do was take it. I’m a survivor with 3 kids I HAD to make it! So instead of dying from pain and hiding in shame, I’ve decided to get NAKED.” www.nakedgirlzblog.com
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