by A Comeaux
Happy New Year everyone! This salutation is as far as I’m willing to go… considering I’m no cliché chick, this is plenty.
No you won’t hear any declarations of ‘New Year, New Me’ or the like.
Why? No I’m no hater, I’m fully aware I’m the same ‘me’ I was before the ball dropped. This isn’t an advocating plea for pessimism, I’m a realist and this is my truth.
Not to say I haven’t learned some relationship lessons that cost far more than I thought my heart could afford. Wouldn’t say I didn’t grow beyond my capacity before destruction and chaos wrecked havoc upon my ambitions. These are the facts of my life. In these experiences, in these journeys where I both lost and found myself, the paradox reigns true, and yet I’m resilient, eager to love and listening with an ear drenched in humility.
There’s a tranquility one discovers after a storm. I lost a lot in failed translations. I gave plenty in the guise of love only to find my attempts were mere practice when I was ready for my live performance complete with HD quality close-ups.
In love, there are casualties. I’m no victim. There were signs I selfishly ignored. I wanted what I wanted beyond the risks, beyond the bruises that were still bleeding. I took a snake home and fed him well only to be bitten with confusion in my eyes. I’ll own that. In my ode to honesty, I’ll admit my role in the demise of my attempts but I can’t do this without sharing my revelations. This enlightenment required a paradigm shift.
Since my world was shaken, things misplaced I once stood firm on, I needed a guideline in which I could independently abide. Just as I wrote the exceptions, I’m writing a few rules for 2015. With respect to the red flags my rosy lenses wouldn’t allow me to differentiate, I find solace in the polar of opposites. I know there is a high to each of my lows.
I made a rule to love me first. Above all things I need to be whole within before I can give or demand love back.
One of the red flags I ignored was jealousy being mistaken for avid affection. A new rule for 2015 is to believe them the first time. Before I get attached and make up excuses for others, I’ll trust who they are earlier. Avoid this red flag if you want love in 2015.
My third and final rule is to be honest at all costs.
This seems easy as we all would profess we’re no liars, but honesty with self is a task one must practice daily. A red flag I noticed long after it blew in the wind was lying to myself about what I really wanted, who wanted me and why ‘this’ didn’t feel like what I signed up for.
We have to be honest with who we are above anyone and anything. In doing so, we will be able to say ‘No’. We’ll defend ourselves even against own affections. We will be able to leave when the situation no longer serves us. I hope these rules and red flags helped you out.
Lets keep in touch and talk about our progress together.
I’m A Comeaux and I remain undaunted in my quest for love, starting with Me.
A Comeaux is the writer, speaker and actor who poetically paints pictures of life and love with a paradoxical perspective. Follow her on Twitter @KCOSpoke.
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