Buy or Bye
Whenever one of my friends gets married, I celebrate by buying a new pair of shoes (that way, everyone’s happy!). So this one time, I was headed to a wedding and found myself looking for shoes with less than an hour before the nuptials were set to start. I found a great pair in my size, and they came in a fab color that complimented my dress. I thought “jackpot; these are cute, I should get them,” but, in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but think that maybe… just maybe I could do a little better. That’s when I thought “I know, I’ll just put these on hold, to see if I can find something even cuter.”
I walked up to the cashier, handed him the shoes and requested that he hold them. He said, “Ok, I’ll just put them back (on the selling floor) and grab them for you when you come back.” That’s how he got me.
I started to think, “Okay, I may be able to find something better but, what if I can’t? What if this shoe that fits (and at a size 11, a shoe fitting isn’t something to be taken for granted), and is cute really is the best I can do? If I pass on it and someone else buys it before I come back, I may miss out on the best pair of shoes in all of Vegas.”
The thought of losing out on a great pair of shoes for a better pair of shoes that may or may not exist jolted me, and I took the shoes back from the cashier and told him to ring them up for me.
As I handed the cashier my money, two things crossed my mind. The first, was that he must move a lot of women to buy shoes this way. The second, was that this must be how a lot of women find themselves in these, weird, awkward, “so what are we?!” “it’s complicated” “situationship” thingies.
Too many women refuse to put themselves back on the selling floor.
We meet a guy, we look really cute with him, we compliment him and most importantly, we fit.
So quite naturally, we’re thinking “well duh, he’s going to buy me.” But he doesn’t buy, in fact, he hesitates. Why? Well, it’s not that he doesn’t like you. No, In fact, he thinks you’re pretty awesome! He knows you’re cute and that you two fit very well together. You see, as cute and well-suited as you may be, he’s thinking that maybe, just maybe, he can find someone a little cuter and even better suited for him. He wants to keep shopping around and we, in our disappointment and rage, put ourselves on hold. How do we put ourselves on hold, you ask? By going back and forth with him, trying to make him see how perfect we’d be together. The time we spend doing that is time we should be spending finding someone who’d snatch us up without a second thought.
He doesn’t want you? Fine. Maybe he’ll come to his senses, maybe he won’t, but the only way to know for sure, is get back to the selling floor ASAP. When you do that, you’re subtlety forcing him to make a choice because once you’re back on the market; you’re fair game for the next man. Faced with this, he’ll think one of two things: “I can’t risk losing her, I have to buy, NOW,” OR “she may not be available when I get back, but I must know what else is out there, bye.”
Buy or Bye, make those his only options. And learning his choice may sting, but it hurts a lot less than realizing you were hold when all this time, you should have been shopping.
Sylvia Snowden is a fabulous Chicago-based journalist and the President of Always Onyx. Follow Sylvia on Twitter @TrulySylvia
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