By Helen Goldberg guest blogger
Great sex makes us stupid, and men know this all too well.
Think about it; if he blows your mind in the bedroom, you’ll give him whatever he wants. And that’s not so bad, if you’re within the confines of a committed relationship. There is a problem, however, if your sex stallion also cheats with multiple women and produce multiple children with little or no repercussions from you.
Conversely, a woman with healthy sex esteem can enjoy the ride without falling prey to the manipulation afterwards.
I define sex esteem as the overall feeling of acceptance and self-worth following one of the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life, after a failed relationship. It is my belief that heartbreak and failed relationships can lower our overall self-esteem, and consequently lead us to make bad relationship choices.
Sex Esteem vs. The Penis Addict
1. A penis addict will overlook serial infidelity in order to keep the peace.
2. A woman with healthy sex esteem wouldn’t tolerate a serial cheater. She realizes that infidelity leads to heartbreak and can be dangerous to her health.
3. A penis addict will spend her money and/or co-sign for big ticket items in order to keep the lover coming back. (Also, the lover does not have to follow through on repaying the loan).
4. A woman with healthy sex esteem would not spend herself in the poorhouse in order to please her sex partner. (However, if a loan is made, a legal promissory note will be attached to it).
5. A penis addict will downplay her man’s womanizing so that it makes sense for her to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. For example, she may tell herself and others: “I know that he cheats on me, but he’s a good father.”
6. A woman with healthy sex esteem will make love to a man with her eyes wide open, says my co-author Amy Loeb. In Sex Esteem, Loeb wrote about one of her gold-digging exes: “In hindsight, my kisses were acts of affection, but his kisses were used to disarm me with a false sense of romance…I made love to him, but he had sex with me.” And she knew it.
7. A penis addict will isolate herself from female friends; she doesn’t want the sisterhood to warn her about her wayward man.
8. A woman with healthy sex esteem embraces the sisterhood because true girlfriends will pull your coattail if you’re not in a healthy relationship. We must hold each other accountable and be accountable for the choices that we make; even if our friends don’t appreciate it at the time.
9. A penis addict will knowingly become one of a guy’s many side-chicks, and she may resort to committing a crime of passion if she’s suddenly dumped.
10. A woman with healthy sex esteem is cautious and choosy about her relationships and has the ability to move on and love fearlessly if a relationship doesn’t work out.
Sex Esteem written by Helen Goldberg and Amy Loeb is this month’s book club selection.
So, ask yourself, which woman are you?
Helen Goldberg and Amy Loeb are authors of the frank mini-book, Sex Esteem: Secret Struggles of Wives and Side Chicks.
Filed under: Attraction, books, Girl Power, Girl Talk, Girl, He Tricked My Ass!, Love, Male Gold Diggers, Respect, Sex Esteem
Tags: Amy Loeb, Helen Goldberg, issues, manipulation, penis, relationship questions, relationships, sex, Sex Esteem
