By Helen Goldberg guest blogger
Great sex makes us stupid, and men know this all too well.
Think about it; if he blows your mind in the bedroom, you’ll give him whatever he wants. And that’s not so bad, if you’re within the confines of a committed relationship. There is a problem, however, if your sex stallion also cheats with multiple women and produce multiple children with little or no repercussions from you.
Conversely, a woman with healthy sex esteem can enjoy the ride without falling prey to the manipulation afterwards.
I define sex esteem as the overall feeling of acceptance and self-worth following one of the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life, after a failed relationship. It is my belief that heartbreak and failed relationships can lower our overall self-esteem, and consequently lead us to make bad relationship choices.
Sex Esteem vs. The Penis Addict
1. A penis addict will overlook serial infidelity in order to keep the peace.
2. A woman with healthy sex esteem wouldn’t tolerate a serial cheater. She realizes that infidelity leads to heartbreak and can be dangerous to her health.
3. A penis addict will spend her money and/or co-sign for big ticket items in order to keep the lover coming back. (Also, the lover does not have to follow through on repaying the loan).
4. A woman with healthy sex esteem would not spend herself in the poorhouse in order to please her sex partner. (However, if a loan is made, a legal promissory note will be attached to it).
5. A penis addict will downplay her man’s womanizing so that it makes sense for her to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. For example, she may tell herself and others: “I know that he cheats on me, but he’s a good father.”
6. A woman with healthy sex esteem will make love to a man with her eyes wide open, says my co-author Amy Loeb. In Sex Esteem, Loeb wrote about one of her gold-digging exes: “In hindsight, my kisses were acts of affection, but his kisses were used to disarm me with a false sense of romance…I made love to him, but he had sex with me.” And she knew it.
7. A penis addict will isolate herself from female friends; she doesn’t want the sisterhood to warn her about her wayward man.
8. A woman with healthy sex esteem embraces the sisterhood because true girlfriends will pull your coattail if you’re not in a healthy relationship. We must hold each other accountable and be accountable for the choices that we make; even if our friends don’t appreciate it at the time.
9. A penis addict will knowingly become one of a guy’s many side-chicks, and she may resort to committing a crime of passion if she’s suddenly dumped.
10. A woman with healthy sex esteem is cautious and choosy about her relationships and has the ability to move on and love fearlessly if a relationship doesn’t work out.
So, ask yourself, which woman are you?
Helen Goldberg and Amy Loeb are authors of the frank mini-book, Sex Esteem: Secret Struggles of Wives and Side Chicks.