By Angela T. Jones
I’ve had men ask me to quit my job, relocate, give up my business and stop pursuing my goals so that I can be with them. Since I’m almost 40 and haven’t married any of those men, it’s safe for you to assume I didn’t do any of those things.
Here’s the thing, and this isn’t shade, it’s honesty; none of those men were worth the sacrifice that they wanted me to make and none of those men were willing to make any sacrifices for me in return.
Most of them wouldn’t even stop seeing other women or commit to a relationship instead of a situationship. Which raises the question: why would I change the things about me that make me awesome for one of those men? I wouldn’t. And I didn’t.
Timing is a major factor in the decisions I make. I’m not ready to move forward with the reality show. Men keep saying I need to “slow down” and “make time for love” and a few women, who didn’t know any better, have said that to me as well.
Slow down for what? Love doesn’t require that I slow down so someone else can catch up.
Time is not the issue with my love life at all. In my adult life I’ve been a good wife and I’ve experienced divorce; I’ve been engaged and uncoupled.
I’ve been the girlfriend, the baby mama and the side chick (although I didn’t know it).
I’ve been happily single for a solid year now.
Getting to this blissful state was a process for me.
Last July I married my business and I haven’t been on a date in six months. And that doesn’t bother me. In the last six months I’ve accomplished a great deal for myself, both personally and professionally. I’ve made a lot of plans and watched ideas grow into existence.
I’ve embraced my world and lifestyle fully for what it is; organized chaos full of meetings, networking, traveling, events, interviews and accomplishments that require long days and lost sleep. And I love it. It’s what I’ve been working towards my entire life, even when I didn’t know it. It’s a blessing. And I don’t want it to end or change….but the men who think they want to date me do.
A man who truly wants a relationship with me has to have the same level of organized chaos in his world. He has to understand why I won’t cook every day; why I have to get my hair, nails and make up done; he has to understand why we can’t have any children or a house full of dogs. He has to be confident, trustworthy and not require a lot of my attention because I won’t call or text him love notes every day, even if he asks. Pulling out the camera phone to take a selfie to send to your man while you’re in a meeting is not a good look.
A man who truly wants a relationship with me can’t ask me to change who I am for him, but instead will love the woman I became long before he met me.
A man who truly wants a relationship must know that I don’t need him for my survival or happiness because I was doing both before he came along.
He and I are to complement each other, not compete with each other. A man who truly wants a relationship with me will meet and exceed the standards I have, and he will do so because it comes natural to him. I’d like to meet that man one day.
Thus far the only men I’ve met are the men who think they want to date me… until they try to date me.
Angela T. Jones is a published author, film producer, radio show host and the creative and business mind behind Super Woman Productions and Publishing LLC. Follow Angela on Twitter @BestSuperWoman.
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