“My wife was designed just for me and I love what God made no matter how many challenges we face”- James Sangster (1950-2012)
My hubby used to tell me that although my design was made just for him, I had to make a few “tweaks” here and there to make it perfect. I loved being married (to him) and the role of a wife (his wife). It wasn’t perfect and I contributed my fair share of “challenges” in it, but I enjoyed it immensely until he succumbed to brain cancer in July of 2012. During the course of the 15 years we were together I learned a few things I would like to share, in hopes it will help marriages last beyond the tough times.
1- Establish your “Divorce is NOT an option” rule- It was a rule my husband established before I even understood what it truly meant. Once I understood what it meant to move beyond challenges and see the bigger picture of family sustainability, I quickly got onboard with that rule. Some may not agree, and I honestly don’t bother myself with whether someone agrees or not. However, if you learn to take this approach early on before the “I Dos” and potential “challenges” arise, you are in a better mindset to try to solve and work through the problems, instead of leaving your marriage.
2- Establish the “Forgiveness is powerful” rule– I used to say that if he ever cheated on me I would leave and blah, blah, blah. When we were faced with that demon, I did leave for a short period of time and it was miserable. What I realized during the separation, especially since he wanted to work things out, was that I had to forgive him and myself; and it had to come from deep within my heart. Oftentimes we say, “I forgive you” but our actions after we speak the words say otherwise. Learn to have a “spirit of forgiveness” so you can move forward in healing and helping others.
3- Establish the “Seal of Faith” Rule for, and in your spouse– I learned to have faith in my husband and for his leadership in our marriage. I didn’t always agree with the decisions he made or how he did things, but no one would have ever really known that. Why? Because I trusted him to have our family’s best interest at the heart of everything he did. Was he perfect? No. Was I perfect? Absolutely not! But I trusted God and loved and respected my husband enough to have faith in the decisions he made, even if I didn’t always agree.
I can go on and one with this list and adding rules that was so beneficial for our 15 years together, but I will stop with this short list. If you have questions about longevity in marriage or if I can help encourage you in your quest to have an amazing marriage, visit my site or hit me up on twitter @dawgelene
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