To Date or Not: A Widow's 20 Reasons

IMG_20130122_135125Dawgelene “Dr Dawj” Sangster– The past 6.5 months have been an emotional roller coaster for me. Many days and nights have been spent crying over the loss of my best friend, protector, guardian angel and King. No one really knows the loss of a loved one, especially a spouse, unless you have walked in those shoes, and if you had a special relationship with that person, like James and I had. My hubby and I had a very unique and special relationship that bonded us together like glue. Of course we had our differences, disagreements, fussing moments and my issues with submission moments, but overall, my hubby’s patience and God’s direction, allowed our marriage to survive and grow into something so deep and special.

How to create the perfect spouse

As I passed our recent anniversary (it would have been 14 years of marriage) and my birthday, I reflected on the many questions I have gotten about dating again and loving again. I wanted to share this with my readers in hopes that they can understand the type of love and relationship that James and I had, and why I am just not ready to date:


1) He was my number one fan and cheered me on, on the best and challenging days.

2) He was an amazing cook, gardener and washed clothes too! (YES, he spoiled me!)

3) He was a real protector literally and naturally. He loved to ensure that I was OK, even when I was irritated by it.

4) He made me laugh so hard on days that were the most challenging.

5) He seemed to know exactly when I was having a challenging day and came to the rescue.

6) He had the look of genuine concern in his eyes, as well as “girl don’t play”.

7) The sound of his voice was either roaring thunder or soft winds blowing and he knew exactly when to use both.

8) He always praised me but he gave swift and stern correction when necessary, and I was OK with it because he was the King.

9) He served God faithfully and loved me as Christ loved the church.

10) He prayed over me and with me.

11)  We did love challenges together.

12) We talked daily.

13)  We understood each other.

14)  We saw each other daily, even when we were dating.

15) He loved my children and I loved his.

16) He respected me as his woman and everybody knew it.

17)  He was private but social with me.

18)  He was extremely intellectual.

19)  He was the best lover without physical activity because he made love to my mind and intellectual inner woman.

20)  He just was!


This is just a short list of how amazing he was and what I thought of him. As I think about being asked to date, I tell guys that I am NOT ready to be in a relationship because I still miss James so much and I am used to being a wife, not a bed fellow or drive-by love. Have I flirted in being social the last few months? Of course I have, but it is important to NOT read any further than I am being nice and sociable because I cannot stay inside and eliminate communication with the opposite sex forever! Besides, I still have James obituary in my car, my bed, on the stand and at the office. I have his poster and other items at the office and around the house. I wear his shirts sometimes and use his camera daily to take pictures. I wear my wedding rings with pride and have no plan to stop wearing them ANYTIME soon. I talk about him ALL THE TIME! So you see…I am just not ready to date because I would be so busy talking about the great love that James and I shared, that I could not give a potential future mate my attention. What guy wants to hear that right?



When I am ready to date (and I cannot put a time limit on when that will happen), I will inquiry with James and seek his approval of the guy…seriously!  I guess the guy would have to go through my entourage of adult children, especially the girls and my son! It will just happen without any official planning and evolve into something special, but different than what James and I had. However, James can never be replaced!

If you have questions, follow me on Twitter @dawgelene

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