by A Comeaux
The first word that comes to mind when I hear ‘baby daddy’ is absent.
No one calls an active and present father a baby daddy.
See, I can surely rant about the ills of being a single mother, but that would discredit the sweetest joy I feel each time I think of #mySun. I barely remember what my life was like before him. It’s like I was living in a blah. He’s my light and that’s why I call him my Sun.
There are dark nights my tears can’t see through at times. And though the relationship with his father mirrors a tumultuous transgression or gritty grin on a good day, I’ll never utter an ill word about him to my Sun. He was conceived in love. Regardless of us turning out to be different people than we’d sign up for, I chose him. I won’t ever bash him, today, even though he’s wrong … I’m not bitter nor disgruntled, in fact I’m at a melancholy peace concerning this: one of the most beautiful occurrences of my life is marred by a strike of pain that keeps bleeding.
On my good days, I tell his father that I forgive him. I admit my rage and flaws seasoned his brewed grief. I tell him that I’ve let go of my spite and I chose Life!
One tip for a ‘baby daddy’ is to make the choice to forgive.
Forgive yourself first because without coming to terms within, you’ll never be able to see others with humility in your heart. Hurt provides a temporary anecdote for fear. We fear admitting our wrongs. This may make us look weak. It’s unhealthy.
Another tip: Please try.
Try to overcome the ‘many’ grave differences you may have with the mother of your child, try to focus on what you two have in common: The child.
We can list a million and 25 differences, and may possibly be right, but the common denominator is the most powerful. A child is the truest of all truths even when love proved a lie.
My tip for any man, is to own up to his decisions and choices, no matter the outcome, and to stand up.
Stand up and be the example you wish you had. Stand up and BE.
Be present, whether in jail, Texas or the turmoil of your past ways, you can show up for your child to hear your voice. You can show at school plays, birthdays or just because!
My final tip for a baby daddy is to think twice.
Think about the adult your daddy less baby will grow into. Think about the void you’re selfishly placing in a heart that naturally yearns for your love, acceptance and protection. Think about what you’d say to your absent daddy. If your dad was present, how do you explain your intentional disconnect?
Pardon me, I need to go and take out the trash…