Cold Feet + Casual Sex = Collateral Damage

Cold Feet + Casual Sex = Collateral Damage

By Zondra Hughes


Cold feet can trip him up.

My college buddy Lonnie* was so beautiful that any woman in her right mind would steer clear–some men are just born to be man-hos.

To that end, I avoided Lonnie like the plague.

Last year I received an email from Lonnie’s fiancé that directed me to their new engagement website. A few months later, she sent an e-mail notifying me that the relationship was over. I had to call my friend.

Lonnie found a keeper, he told me–and he “loved her so much,” that he slept with her friend.

Lonnie works in the cutthroat world of New York urban radio, on the sales side. He’s a top salesman, and most of his accounts are controlled by women–women who are infatuated with him.

The setup worked well for Lonnie, until he fell in love and got engaged.

As word of his engagement website spread through his social network, Lonnie’s guaranteed advertising accounts began to evaporate. Call backs were hard to come by. Sudden “budget cutbacks” left his ad buys on hold.

“I mean, half of these [clients] were acting as if [by getting engaged], I bypassed them…but we’re all professionals, right?”

I asked Lonnie if he slept with his clients–a sneaky smile raced across his angelic face. “Not all of them.”

“The wedding was f*cking with my money,” he told me. “I’m buying, buying, buying, and on the flipside losing money left and right. I kept trying to tell her that.”

Here’s what happened: two months ago, Lonnie’s fiancé called him, but he didn’t answer the phone. She sent him a text message that she was going to pick up some Chinese takeout, and that she was on her way home. 

Forty-five minutes later, Lonnie’s fiance caught him in bed with her friend. The friend fled the house barefoot, wearing nothing but a sheet and a face full of hot Chinese food.

Here’s the kicker–Lonnie wanted to get caught.

Lonnie could not tell his fiancé of his shenanigans at work, and how their upcoming marriage would destroy him financially. Lonnie asked her to just keep cool about their wedding plans, but the fiancé built a website…after all, she was proud to marry him.

Lonnie’s engagement was pissing off his clientele, and he needed to find a way out of the mess. 

“She didn’t want to postpone the wedding, I couldn’t deal with that.”

In Lonnie’s eyes, the only way to slow her down was to break it off, in a dramatic way.

Thus, getting caught with her friend was the easiest option.  Of course, the engagement ended.

“There was shouting, she grabbed what she could, and she left. It was done. If I asked her to change the date again, we would have been going back and forth for weeks. I love her; I didn’t want to drag this out. I couldn’t do it.”

She was devastated–Lonnie was remorseful.

Lonnie concedes that there is no excuse for what he did, but there was an explanation.

“I needed to halt things but she wouldn’t budge. What else could I do?,” he asked.

 Lonnie says that he begged his fiancé to scale back the wedding, or to move it to her hometown. Lonnie wanted a ceremony that was quaint and meaningful and wouldn’t drive them both into the poorhouse. 

His fiance wanted a high-profile fairytale wedding.

This is Lonnie’s side of the story, I’m sure the ex-fiance has a different perspective; probably that Lonnie wasn’t ready to be married anyway, and that he was too much of a coward just to come out and say so.

I’m sure the “friend” believed that, at some point, Lonnie would be hers. She still calls, and Lonnie says they hook up from time-to-time.

“She knows her role,” Lonnie says.

And Lonnie knows his role…he told me that his sales are picking up again.

Lonnie tells me that it’s not uncommon for men to take such drastic measures to avoid the altar.

What do YOU think?


*”Lonnie” gave me permission to share his story, but only if I did not use his real name.













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  • WOW! This was great Zondra. Yes Lonnie was dramatic! Communication was definitely lost in this situation. They had the same common goal(getting married), but never discussed how they were going to get there twogether.

  • In reply to YanniBrown:

    I only wish you could see how conflicted he was...Lonnie earned his living by being the bachelor. He sold a fantasy to his clients, and then he really found the one...and according to HIM had to sacrifice it all. :0(

  • In reply to YanniBrown:

    Lonnie wasn't being dramatic, Lonnie was being a 'ho'. He did what he had to do to sell hisself and get what he wanted. When his money start getting messed up, he did what a 'ho' would do, freaked out. Let's not get it twisted, Lonnie is not representing a real man with values. If you took his suits and the view of the radio station, he would appear as any other prostitute on the street. They may have had a common goal at some point to get married, but marriage is more than love and dreams. Marriage is commitment, honoring values and respect for life. One more thing, this may come as a surprise to some women, but I find it very hard to believe that a woman can say they love someone and consent to marry them and in the same breath say they didn't know their man was cheating. Here's a free tip for any woman considering marriage, if you don't know this guy and I mean in the sense of knowing what he is, what he's about, who is relatives are, what he'll look like later in life and how he thinks . . . . Don't marry him. Yes you can know him that well, it just takes some work. Are you up to it?

  • In reply to jsdigital:

    WOW....thank you for your blunt assessment. I think you are right on target with getting to know who a man really is before settling down...TEACH!!!

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