Category: Bachelor

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 3 "Balls are Flying at Your Face"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 3 "Balls are Flying at Your Face"
Yea, we’re back. I wish I could say that excitedly, but let’s be real, I dropped the ball here. I missed the first two episodes of Bachelor Ben 2016. I became too preoccupied with these silly little endeavors called “New Years Resolutions.” But I finally realized focusing on dumb crap like my physical fitness, continuing... Read more »

The Bachelor Finale Recap: "Everything About This Moment Feels Right"

The Bachelor Finale Recap: "Everything About This Moment Feels Right"
Well, we finally made it. 10 episodes, 30 girls, 25 hours, and approximately 30,000 recap words written, all so we can get here: with Farmer Chris ready to awkwardly propose a brief engagement to somebody he’ll probably like only as long as ABC provides limo and helicopter access on their dates. Will it be the... Read more »

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 9 "Fantasy Suite"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 9 "Fantasy Suite"
We’ve finally made it to the fantasy suite! If, like most of us, Fifty Shades of Grey left your craving for sexiness unsatisfied, then the Fantasy Suite is here to fill that void. Fantasy Suite week is when Chris and the girls can finally consummate their televised pseudo-love in an act of producer-sanctioned, secret, competitive coitus. And... Read more »
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The Bachelor Recap: Episode 8 "Wild Mustang"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 8 "Wild Mustang"
Sorry, girls, we can’t always take a random, confused road trip to everybody’s hometowns. Farmer Chris’ visit to your’s is actually going to be planned. On the bright side, Chris’ journey to these girls’ hometowns should be more exciting than their trip to Arlington, Iowa, where the hottest local girl was a tumbleweed. On the bad... Read more »

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 7 "There's Nothing"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 7 "There's Nothing"
Do you people want something to blame for this whole “my favorite blogger fell behind” thing? Well, look no further than this inexplicable double header. If weekend mimosa brunch to 2am last-call binge-drinking is unhealthy, then four hours of The Bachelor in two days probably knocks ten years off a lifetime. In the first of the vicious... Read more »

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 6 "I'm Going to Kick Her Ass"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 6 "I'm Going to Kick Her Ass"
The Apology First let me start by apologizing for this delay. I’ve been a bad blogger. You start off blogging about this show, then people want to watch it with you, then you become the dude with Bachelor viewing parties every Monday, then you can’t get people out of your place in time for you to write... Read more »
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The Bachelor Recap: Episode 5 "Isn't My Story Amazing"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 5 "Isn't My Story Amazing"
One day after one of the greatest games ever played was played in Phoenix, we have another heated competition taking place in a Southwest United States desert. And with Super Bowl commercials suddenly competing to see who can be the most depressing, Monday night’s competition will probably be more fun too. Prince Farming and his Bachelorettes head to... Read more »

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 4 "You're More than Welcome to Go Home"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 4 "You're More than Welcome to Go Home"
So this week’s going to be a little different. At least according to Chris Harrison, “This week’s going to be a little different.” So predictable, Chris. Somebody, please invent a Chris Harrison voice-box, pull-string doll already. Farmer Chris’ three farmer sisters will be here to help him pick his farmer wife. Did I mention… “farmer”?... Read more »

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 3 "Amazing"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 3 "Amazing"
Week 3 is where we typically start seeing some surprises. Sometimes it’s a surprise, competitive twist in a group date. Maybe it’s the classic surprise concert from some band that typically only regulars in the band’s hometown watering hole have ever heard of. So what surprise are we in for this season? Jimmy Kimmel? Yep,... Read more »
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The Bachelor Recap: Episode 2 "You have to find your own truth"

The Bachelor Recap: Episode 2 "You have to find your own truth"
Allow me to apologize. I’m sorry I was absent last Tuesday from this recap. I tried my best to sequester myself with Farmer Chris and The Bachelor in front of the bedroom TV. I really tried to drown out the hooplah and hysteria of the first ever BCS Playoff Championship. But, I failed. I caved and... Read more »