The Bachelor Finale Recap: "Everything About This Moment Feels Right"

The Bachelor Finale Recap: "Everything About This Moment Feels Right"

Well, we finally made it. 10 episodes, 30 girls, 25 hours, and approximately 30,000 recap words written, all so we can get here: with Farmer Chris ready to awkwardly propose a brief engagement to somebody he’ll probably like only as long as ABC provides limo and helicopter access on their dates.

Will it be the Virgin or the Baby Maker? Cuddly campfire marshmallows or giant Des Moines wall murals? The girl with the crappy sister or the girl with the crappier sister? So much hangs in the balance.

We’ll get to all that and more right after we stop in with our pretty unnecessary studio audience where Chris Harrison introduces the end to “the wildest season in Bachelor history.” Chris Harrison loves hyperbole. As a matter of fact, Chris Harrison is the most incredible, sensational, and unpredictable user of hyperbole in hyperbole history!

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We’re back in Arlington! Hooray! Grab your popcorn everybody! I hope it’s the microwaveable kind because the closest movie theater is an hour and a half away.

The snowy plains of Arlington actually look very rustic until you remember there are little to no living things in all that land. Chris tries to play it off like this is going to be a close contest, by saying “I am falling in love with both women,” or “Becca is definitely some one I could see myself spending the rest of my life with” that really doesn’t mean anything. I could see myself spending the rest of my life in a Russian prison, but it doesn’t mean I would pick it over Kaitlyn.

Chris highlights the chasm, discussing his feelings for the two ladies:

On Whitney: “The things that attract me to Whitney is she’s genuine, she’s beautiful, she’s smart, she’s already able to tell me she’s in love with me.”

Ok, that’s a pretty resounding endorsement, but of course he’ll wax poetic at the start of the episode about everybody. He’s got to keep us on our toes.

On Becca: “Becca and I’s relationship has been kind of a slow progression. Obviously, she hasn’t told me she loves me like Whitney, but Becca is definitely someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with.”

Call it. Whitney’s gambling odds just jumped to a heavy Vegas Favorite. Chris describes why he loves Becca the way I would describe why I love having a dining room table. Seriously, though, I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this dining room table.

The Soules Family

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Regular Bach viewers have already seen plenty of the Soules family. Last year, Chris’ mom set Andi Dorfman’s expectations straight before everybody played hide n’seek. This season, Chris’ sisters already met the girls a few weeks ago, hitting it off famously with Whitney who won’t stop calling them “so great.” Either way, the point is, the Soules women, finely tuned from years of quiet thought in quiet Arlington, are astute observers of the heart. They have nothing but sage advice for all parties involved.

Farmer Mama Bear agrees, “I would love to have Chris proposing and be sure of his future. I’m not sure Chris knows what he wants right now.” And of course Farmer Mama Bear wastes no time, “Is there anything to do to help you decide?” Chris begs, “Yeah, just tell me which one to pick.” Confidence is sexy, guys. 

First Family Visit: Whitney

Whitney is preparing for her date like it’s the last date of her life. “Family approval is extremely important, not only to me, but I know for Chris… So I plan to tell his family that I’m in love with Chris. Yes. I think that’s big! That’s the whole point that I’m here.”

Whitney wears her heart on her sleeve. Giddy as ever, Whitney and Chris kiss on the porch and Whitney gets a warm up for her emotional honesty, “Ok, before we go, I just want you to know how much I love you.”

After telling Chris her feelings with no hesitation, she comes inside and takes charge like she’s just crashing another wedding. She hugs and plays with the kids, picks up where she left off with the sisters, and glad hands the parents. Papa Bear Soules is impressed, “I’m excited to meet Whitney and she started right out like she knew us all: very outgoing and friendly and pretty and in no way was she intimidated. Everything I always wished for for Chris.”

unnamed-2For her second act, Whitney takes control of the conversation with seamless charm. She tells the story of their Fertility Clinic date, how she discovered Chris on TV, and transitions into a heartfelt speech, “So I wanted thank you all for having me in here today… And I want you to know how much I love your son and your brother, and how important this is to me, and I really appreciate being here, and…*sniffs back tears* Can we just cheers?” The table all tings glasses, and there’s barely a dry eye in the house.

Whitney aced the dinner party act two, but now she’s onto her finale: facing the interrogation of the Soules sisters (no, unfortunately not those ones) aka the Three Muses. Whitney answered questions about Arlington and Chris with confidence, and the sisters all seem like they want to have the wedding right now. “Even for our own sakes, there’s something about you. Like, I’m going to miss you when you leave.” Whitney won over Chris’ sisters, and when she leaves, she’ll have them fighting in her corner.

Actually, they’ve already started, “Is she the one? Cuz right now, I feel like she is.” Chris laughs it off and explains that he doesn’t have hesitations with Whitney, he just likes Becca also. Chris elaborates, “I don’t know what it is about Becca, but there’s a certain chemistry that I have with her that’s hard to find.” I’m no romantic, but if you’re describing your potential wife, you’d hope it would start with something more exact than “I don’t know.” Chris couldn’t even describe the chemistry.

Trying to make this a fair fight to his sisters, Chris tries his best to ramble on, “She’s witty. She’s charming. She’s not… as outgoing as Whitney, but she can charm the pants off once you get to know her. Becca’s athletic, and she’s… she has… I dunno… She’s kinda… She’s also very grounded and very… someone who can ground me, not that I’m not grounded, but…”

So that was a resounding endorsement for Becca! This is shaping up to be an ’85 Bears type blowout. Whitney is utterly dominating from the very start.

Whitney survived the sisters, but Mama Bear Soules wants to dig way deep and asks, “Why do you think you are in love with my son? I hear you told him you loved him. What do you love about my son?”

Whitney doesn’t blink, “I don’t think that I’m in love with him, I know I’m in love with him… You have raised an amazing, amazing man.” Then Whitney confesses to Mama Bear Soules about how she has been hoping to have a mother figure since her mother passed ten years ago, and Chris aside, she could see Mama and Papa Soules becoming those parental figures she craves. Mama Bear couldn’t be any happier even if her porridge wasn’t too cold.

Whitney aced the day by confessing her feelings to all of Chris’ relatives, and she isn’t going to leave before reiterating them one more time to Chris on the way out, “Don’t you dare forget how much I love you.”

Whitney killed it. Nobody’s had as convincing a win to start a competition since B-Rabbit called out Papa Doc for going to Cranbrook, that’s a private school! The audience and the entire Soules family knows it’s time to just drop the mic and let the crowd chant Whitney’s name. The only person who won’t accept that is Farmer Chris.

The Soules Men Full-Court Press

The sisters and mom owned the house party, but now Chris steps into a new domain… the garage.

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Men accomplish great things when collaborating in garages. They built the Model T, invented the first personal computer, and now, they’ll convince Chris to stop trying so hard to make this whole Becca the Virgin thing happen.

A defensive Chris pleas, “How Whitney interacts, I expected nothing less… But I know what I feel like when I’m with Becca. Now, she’s told me that she’s falling in love with me. And, Becca’s told me that if and when she falls in love with me, she’ll move anywhere for me.”

So, basically Chris, is trying to sell to a garage full of Iowa farm boys on the idea of dumping Whitney so he can Facetime with a “grounded” girl for an hour a week until she finally falls in love for the first time ever. His brother-in-law, Jason, immediately diagnoses what’s going on here, “Becca, in all fairness we haven’t met her yet, it sounds like she’s played her cards closer to the vest. She’s harder to get. I just feel that, as guys, that is infinitely attractive.” Told you, great minds assemble in garages.

But Chris refuses to believe he has feelings for Becca for any reason other than how “grounded,” or “athletic,” or, uh, I forget those other adjectives Chris memorized, but you get the gist.

Second Family Visit: Becca

Between the garage consensus and the sway of the Soules Sisters on the inside of the house, there is nowhere to run for somebody to join Chris’ efforts on Team Becca. The tall, slender Soules Sister, Lori, asks Chris to compare their relationship. Then Chris makes an odd distinction, “Relationship-wise, I’m on the same page with these two. Logistically, no.” So not wanting to live in the same house, let alone the same state, let alone the same continental US geographic region. is merely a “matter of logistics?” Cool just checkin.

Chris goes on to talk about how Becca isn’t sure if she loves him, and the anti-Becca resistance grows stronger. But she’s going to arrive soon, and the Soules will suck it up and start over, even if they all seem to spite Chris as if he is cheating on their darling Whitney. Likewise, Chris gives complimenting Becca another shot, “She’s got a great sense of humor, and she’s… just… I mean, just a great person.” Chris is always less intimidated by the confessional cameras than he is by the Soules Sisters.

Side note, I love that nickname! Can we greenlight a pilot where the Soules Sisters just drink wine on the couch and give infinite wisdom to guys and girls trying to choose between two potential paramours? Hold up, I need a copyright lawyer…

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Becca arrives with a box of cookies that clearly are not homemade. Chris immediately adds to his mental list of Becca compliments, “Nobody makes store bought cookies better than Becca.”

Becca is nervous, “Meeting the family, there’s a little more nerves going into this knowing that he’s bringing me in specifically to meet everyone and see how I fit in with them. If Chris and I end up together, these are the people that are going to be my family too.” Now, I’m no voice expert (officially, at least, unofficially, I’m at expert at most things), but where Whitney sounded thrilled, confident and crisp, Becca sounds like she’s reading cue cards.

Becca comes inside and tells stories about Farmer Chris getting along with her little cousins and family. He thinks things are going well, and follows up with this romantic beaut, “She’s an awesome person. She comes from an awesome family.” Bravo, Christopher! Shakespeare, himself, could not have said it better.

At dinner, Becca tells everybody her feedback from their road trip to Arlington. The family got a kick out of Becca saying Arlington had a “downtown,” and Becca’s idea for weekend hangs at the post office actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Those stamps can be a hoot.

Yes! It’s time for another segment of the Soules Sisters. The sisters get Becca to tell them she isn’t quite in love with him yet, and that she’s too scared to move immediately. Now she’s giving the same Facetime for an hour per week from long-distance pitch to the Soules Sisters, and they’re just as disapproving as the Garage Gang.

The Soules Sisters sit down their brother to let Farmer Chris harvest some knowledge. They upfront tell him that he’s got two choices, she’s only got one, he’s got to leverage to push her on these geographic negotiations. A lightbulb seems to finally go off with Chris. The Soules Sisters save the day again!

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Now Farmer Mama Bear gets her turn to grill Becca. She’s none too happy that Becca isn’t sure she’s in love with her son. Mama Bear challenges Becca what she would choose if in 2 days, she had to decide between Arlington with Chris or no Chris at all. Then Mama Bear tries to convince Becca that her worries for losing Chris and her concern for Chris’ well-being are both Becca being in love with Chris.

Becca tries to explain her thoughts on love to Mama Bear, but Mama Bear is always the smartest one in the room. “It’s really up to you… You want to go through your life and never take a chance, you know, what kind of life is that?” Mama Bear is convinced Becca is in love, but she just doesn’t know it. It’ll be too late by the time Becca realizes this.

The family is having a post dinner party debrief, and brother-in-law Jason drops another gem, “This isn’t an analytical decision. This isn’t like picking a school or buying a car. I mean, at the end of the day, all the reasons to go “x” are analytical ones, but the reason to chose “y” is love, chemistry.”

Arlington may not have a nearby movie theater or many distractions, but I think all that quiet, contemplative time made these Iowa folk very wise.

Hotel Hail Mary: Becca

As always, Chris is an ace with his words with Becca, “You look amaze me. You look a maze. Amazing. And you.. I… I am… awesome.” I really hope the rest of the conversation is clearer than that. Especially because Chris insists he needs concrete answers from Becca, who keeps waffling and refusing to commit to any plan at all. So Chris changes his course, “Maybe the question I should ask is why don’t you feel like you are in love with me?” Wow, turns out Chris isn’t always tongue-tied.

Becca answers that with an empty, “I don’t know, I just know what I want right now.” Becca seems like the  kind of girl that can spend hours choosing off a sandwich menu. Finally, Chris pushes her to admit the one thing she is scared of is not finding anything to do in Arlington other than serve Chris. Chris reassures he’ll have her back and they’ll figure it out.

The whole process is breaking Chris down, who can’t stop crying in the confessional because he has to let go of one of “two of the most incredible women I’ve ever met.”

Farm Victory Lap: Whitney

Chris meets Whitney in the corn field of his farm. Although the two got wild in Des Moines, she never actually saw his farm in Arlington. Chris is going to show Whitney how they’re going to pick and shuck some corn. She doesn’t know how to do it yet, but as they did at the Wedding crash, she’ll roll with the cob. Whatever that means, I’m still guessing it’s rolling around until you’re all buttered up.

Chris’ dad was working the plow and hops out to say hello to Whitney. So Chris had his last date with Becca in Becca’s hotel room, leaving his jacket and shoes on, just chatting about the possibility of surviving a long distance relationship. And he took Whitney to see his farm and his dad for a second time. I’d say the writing is on the wall.

Whitney appreciates it, “And to think that he wanted me here today, and how excited he was to show me this. There’s no better feeling than that.” Becca doesn’t know what she wants in the next year, and Whitney is already looking at the farm long-term, “And to think that, not only for him, but like, our children, this is something he wants to pass on. Like, this could be my future for a long-long-long-long time.”

Shout out to Dave Jacoby on the fantastic theory that Whitney will use her fertility experience to invent a revolutionary method for corn growth, and usher in the age of Interstellar. These two are going to be rich. And yea, I said “these two.” This outcome is so obvious, enough beating around the bush.

Rose Ceremony & Proposal

But Chris Harrison just promised “something never seen before in Bachelor history.” I thought it was in the bag, but now I’m slightly confused. Chris Harrison couldn’t possibly be embellishing could he?

The girls unpack their best dresses while Farmer Chris works with Neil Lane to pick out the diamond ring he’ll offer to his bride to be (cough, Whitney, cough). I can’t be positive, but I’d bet a lot of money that Farmer Chris added a fifth C next to his Carat, Clarity, Color, and Cut criterion: corn. His wife’s ring is going to need to survive shucking corn.

Chris waits at a place that’s very special to him, his barn, because of course it is. “It’s where I raised my first pig.” I’m pretty sure every little girl at some point dreams that her future husband will propose in the barn he raised his first pig.

Becca arrives first in a sexy red dress that happens to match Chris’ tie so perfectly, I doubt my confidence for a moment. But a moment later, Chris is telling Becca what she already knows, that she isn’t ready for marriage. Becca gives her standard robotic answer. Becca says the word “love” with the same enthusiasm that Ben Stein called for “Bueller.” As Farmer Chris hugs her goodbye, I half expect him to grab behind her jaw and peel off her face to reveal a cyborg. Instead, Becca just gets in the limo without shedding a tear to return to California and grow-up to be a lonely virgin that looks like a post-op Bruce Jenner.

But back to the happy endings! Whitney is on her way and Chris Harrison is getting the studio audience HYPED! I by “hyped” I mean, able to clap on cue.

Whitney is completely freaking out, almost hyperventilating with every breath. “This could be the happiest moment of my life, or one of the saddest.”

But Whitney gives Chris a perfect speech, as she’s been prone to do, and ends it with a confident, “I love you,” and kiss on the lips. I don’t like getting corny, especially not during this show, but Whitney seems so sweet and in love, I can’t help but feel good for the girl.

Chris talks for too long, before getting on a knee successfully avoiding animal dumpings and asking Whitney to marry him. Whitney clearly accepts, and since I started watching with Sean Lowe’s season, I have never seen a couple I thought actually loved each other until now.

I’ll put the over under at 10.5 months.

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See you next year for Kaitlyn and Britt! However in the world that’s going to work.

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