The last article I posted, “Cross-dressers Challenge for Acceptance” prompted a number of comments. These comments were sent directly to me because some people don’t use Facebook and this blog requires an FB account to post. Below is a comment from Falecia. Falecia is a business executive and offers us an interesting prospective on cross-dressing.
Sometime it IS just about the clothes. We don’t want to masquerade as women all the time. I believe that I could convincingly pass as a woman without surgery or HT, if I decided to make some slight changes to my male appearance. Primarily, I would need to lose the body hair, modify my fingernails and toenails, trim my hair differently, wear shape-wear and breast forms, and add some makeup and a wig. With the exception of total body hair removal, I have done most of this in the past. I’m now about 160, but when I trimmed to 145, my waist and hips looked pretty convincing in most outfits.
The problem is I’d need to adapt all those changes to my life as a man. It isn’t just society’s non-acceptance that prevents this. I don’t really want to be a woman. But I DO want to wear women’s clothes. I frequently wear women’s jeans (currently skinny), feminine shirts, tanks, sweaters, and jackets, and platform sandals or ankle boots. I know that people recognize that my attire is unusual, but most ignore it, or presume I’m “Gay” or “European.” Why European? It is interesting, but I have found that in large metro areas where there is significant diversity, many people are more used to styles that are not typically Midwestern. With the shoes, surprisingly, if you can walk in them, people ignore them. I’ve had favorable comments from men and women about the jeans and the footwear.
On my blog https://falecia0.wordpress.com/, I show a number of pictures from as many as 15 years back of me in women’s clothing. I have experimented with a number of looks. I also have some articles from as many years back. I once wrote a piece where I suggested that all men should try female styles to see if they like the look. I suspect that many would. If you’re fit and trim, women’s outfits often showcase it better. And . . . I found that I was more motivated to get and stay trim because I liked the women’s outfits. Just go to a fitness run (5K or 10K variety) and see all the “Men in Tights.”
So, while I do not disagree with any of your observations, I believe that many of us are much more introspective and reflective than we are thought to be. Truly, our compulsion is seemingly less rational than to simply wear the current gender appropriate clothing choices. We (I) have an emotional attachment to clothing that helps us (me) look the way we see ourselves. My wife even comments that some of my totally male clothing fits like women’s clothing might. I don’t like pleated or baggy slacks and billowy shirts! So far, I have avoided the “belly.” I often find humor in what compels me to spend so much time on clothing selections. Maybe that’s the feminine in me? But really, it is silly. It is, however, part of who I am.
I think if we begin to see the world as inhabited by many people who don’t want to change it as much as live in it together, we can become less judgmental, less defensive, and more accepting. And, one final thing, we need to stay sober to keep our behavior tolerable. I mentioned this before in one of my comments. I love to drink beer and wine with friends and family. But, I no longer drink when I cross-dress or vice versa! I found that my judgment about the limits and appropriateness was best when not clouded. And . . . if one does the androgyny thing, it works better when we look put together. I’ve also found that when I wittingly engage with people, they are taken in by the confidence and less likely to see me as “odd.” That engagement would be difficult if I was impaired or self conscious.
Thanks Falecia for sharing. I look forward to more comments from you all to share here. This is the platform for conversation and education, whether we all agree or not. As the great, late comedienne Joan Rivers once said, “Let’s talk.”