When you're 25, married, and sick, everyone thinks you're pregnant

Every spring I get disequilibrium that leaves me unsteady and mildly car-sick.

Yesterday morning, I had a migraine on top of that. Did you know that migraines can act like morning sickness?

Except I didn’t realize it was a migraine at first. I didn’t even think about morning sickness, either. I was just extremely nauseous and unsteady. I almost fell into my dresser when getting up, I almost fell forward when sitting on the toilet. What a hell of a spring sickness. It took fumbling around to find and take my combination of pills that helps with the spring disequilibrium: sudafed, meclizine, mucinex. I waited for it to kick in.

Carrying my cereal and tea to my desk was an iffy proposition. I tried eating cereal in case it was a hunger thing, but the nausea made the smell of Honey Nut Cheerios and milk smell like the vague after-linger of cat shit. Drinking earl grey tea, which is normally a completely neutral taste/smell for me, was hard. I managed to choke down a banana.

The medicine still wasn’t kicking in. Maybe it wasn’t disequilibrium? It wasn’t the stomach flu. I debated going to work–I couldn’t tell if this would pass quickly or not. I decided I would try. It took a while to make lunch in between waves of nausea. I almost fell over while getting dressed.

And then of course, my cat, Joe, was an asshole. He was pissed that I wasn’t paying any attention to him like I normally do with nose-cuddles and petting and talking. So he said,

“Oh hey, I see you’re ignoring me. I’m going to proceed to knock everything over on the island in an attempt to get closer to your face so we can cuddle–and that includes the bike you’re leaning up against the island.”

Asshole cat. Some curse words may have been involved.

I said something about the nausea on Facebook, and when I got to work, I said something about successfully not barfing on the bus.

I had forgotten that if you’re in your 20s, married, and say something about feeling sick or nausea, you’ll set off hopeful speculation about pregnancy. Friends my age and I always laugh about that–it’s like we need to put a disclaimer up there. “NOT PREGNANT.” Yet.

At least, I didn’t think I was–I had just gotten over a mofo of a 2-day period.

Then a friend suggested it might be a migraine, even though I’d already dismissed the idea because I wasn’t having the light sensitivity. So I took a caffeine/tylenol pill. The pain in my neck slowly released, and the nausea reduced. My arms and legs felt exhausted after—like the way it does when a migraine lifts.

Yep. Asshole migraine disguised morning sickness, exacerbated (probably) by the spring disequilibrium. How wonderful.

Oh, and one interesting tidbit I learned while googling “migraine or morning sickness?” is that if people get carsick or have migraines, they are more prone to morning sickness. Meaning, I have something to look forward to if/whenever I get pregnant. Zofran, anyone?

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