Please tell me that the runner's trots gets better with time...

I ran Tuesday with my new Garmin 410, and I love it. It was a surprising motivator. Something about seeing my numbers, seeing exactly how far and how fast I’m running, encourages me to keep on going. That’s why, even though I hadn’t run in a month, I was able to run for 6 miles (!) in an hour and 19 minutes (also !!). I’m so proud of myself.

I like running. I keep forgetting that I do, but there was something really nice about seeing the ground under my feet. Especially the worn grassy trails other runners have forged. I could SEE my progress in terms of distance. So much nicer than a treadmill–the Garmin basically gives me the info I prefer from a treadmill, along with the outside experience that I like.

However, please, PLEASE tell me that the runner’s runs gets better with time. Please. Does your intestine get used to it eventually? Otherwise I’m going to be seriously pooping along the road and getting a indecent exposure ticket.

Here’s how it went:

1st mile (11 min 27 sec): Geez, I look like a doofus in this running getup. But I don’t care. For now, I don’t care. Runners often look like doofuses. I’ll blend in. I’m feeling good. I’m feeling fast–so I’d better pace myself. Walk, run. Walk, run. This is so cool being able to see my pace.

2nd mile (13 min 12 sec): I’m getting a little tired, but I’ll keep on running. I can do it. I can make it there. Then I can catch a bus if I’m tired. It’s only 3 miles there. There’s those worn grass runner’s trails. I’ll use them, because someone told me that the pavement messes with knees. I like knees. I kneel in church. So, let’s try the grass. Nice–it makes me feel faster even if I’m not.

3rd mile (12 min 52 sec): Wow, I’m almost there! At this rate it’ll be just under 45 min! I bet I can get home before dark. Let’s see how I feel. Keep running, walking, running walking. Yes, I made it. A bus is actually waiting there at the stopover. Hmm. I want to run home. I’m doing okay. I bet I can do it, even if I walk most of the way.

4th mile (13 min 33 sec): I’m doing pretty good.

5th mile (12 min 53 sec): *gurgle* Uh oh. My intestines are cramping up on me.. a little late to turn around. Equidistant between bus and home. Shit. (As it were.) I think I can make it…..

…there’s some trees. I could go behind them. No, I don’t want public indecency. No thank you.

6th mile (okay, actually .97 mile, 15 min 33 sec): *gurgle gurgle* I can make it. No. Stop thinking about shitting your pants like that one iconic marathon picture. Why the hell aren’t there any public loos along the trail?? Oh, a trashcan with a flat top and a hole in the middle. I could use that as a toilet. But I think I can hold it. Just run a little more carefully. Don’t jiggle the stomach too much.


And yes, I made it home in time. And took Immodium. Maybe Immodium should sponsor porta-potties along the trail, like say, every 2 or so miles? please? pretty please? It’s a popular trail! Please?

Filed under: Marathon

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