Really bad sewing advice for fun and laughs

I was poking around on different sewing sites today and read a lot of sewing advice. Most of it was posted as comments to the posts. I was really shocked at some of the tips people gave. Then I started getting silly about it, trying to top their tips. I decided I feel like just having fun today and giving really bad sewing advice for fun and laughs.

1. Question – Where should I put the pins I am not using?

Good question. I would say put a few in your mouth so they are always available. Or you can allow them to fall to the floor, you’ll find thembad-advice easily that way.

2. Question – Should I drink wine before sewing?

Yes, for sure. The more the better. That way you will get to use your favorite seam ripper the next day.

3. Question – What color of thread should I use?

I usually try to match my nail polish but others prefer always using black.

4. Question – How picky should I be with my granddaughter as she learns to sew?

Be really picky. Make her take everything out and criticize everything she does. She won’t bug you anymore about learning how to sew.

5. Question – How dangerous is sewing?

It is way less dangerous than mountain climbing or race car driving. It depends on how much of this advice you follow.

6. Question – Should I use my sewing scissors for other cutting tasks?

Yes! That way they will be way less sharp and make sewing less dangerous. Winning!

7. Question – How can I mark a hem by myself?

String a clothesline across your sewing room coated in a dark liquid. Lay down on the floor, wearing the garment. Slowly lower the clothesline to where you want the hem. Done, you’ll have a clean line.

8. Question – What is the best tip for threading a sewing needle?

Get someone younger to do it for you.

9. Question – What should I do if I make a sewing mistake?

Yell, scream and throw it across the room. Just kidding, throw it all out.

10. Question – What is the best sewing machine to buy?

Why buy one at all? Just borrow them from other people and see if they ask for it back.

11. Question – Will I be receiving a grade on my project?

Yes, yes you will. Being uptight about this should make your sewing much more enjoyable.

12. Question – How often should I clean my sewing machine?

No one cleans a sewing machine, that’s like cleaning a bath tub. Some items just don’t get dirty.

13. Question – Should I darn my holy socks?

If they are holy you should wear them to church.

really-bad14. Question – Who are the quilt police?

They are your best friends in the whole world. They will point out your mistakes and make you feel bad. Be sure to pay attention to them.

15. Question – What is the best way to learn how to sew?

For sure, don’t take a class or have someone teach you. Just dive right in and be like Frank Sinatra, do it your way.

16. Question – Is there such a thing as a stupid question?

Probably and there are definitely bad answers.

Sew happy!

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I have written other humor pieces. Try this one!

Filed under: advice, humor

Tags: bad advice

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