I am going to write fake Quilt news stories and get rich

I have a new plan. I am going to write fake Quilt news stories and get rich. Easy money, no research needed! You think I am making this up? You are very smart, I am probably not going to just write stuff that is fake. But I read an article in the Washington Post that there are people doing exactly this and making big bucks. Or was THAT a fake news story? At any rate, I am on a roll.

How about some indulgence for just a couple of fake Quilt news stories? Just for some giggles, no money. Ready, here comes the fake quilt news.

Supreme Court to Decide if Quilters and Knitters can combinesewing-with-kids1

There are quilters we know that is true. There are knitters, also a known fact. But can the two combine? Can one store service both? Can one person practice both of these arts? These questions have been asked for years and finally the Supreme Court will decide once and for all. We asked some experts for their opinion.

LulaMay – Yes, I think they can. I am going to admit that I, in fact, am a knitter and a quilter. I have even dabbled in weaving with no damage to myself or my community.

Buddy – No, I don’t think that should be legal. This is a time of specialization. You have to decide, one or the other. Sometimes you have to choose.

Republicans and Democrats are debating tax break for fabric, thread, notions and other sewing gizmos

hrzgal-2040Breaking news! In a rare bipartisan approach lawmakers from both sides of the aisle are working together to encourage the fabric arts. Eliminating sales tax on said items is already agreed upon.

Now the discussion is should the cost of said items be a deductible expense. We do not have any quotes about this issue as no one is willing to take a public stand against it.

There is currently a vigil in Paducah, KY where they wait breathlessly for the final outcome.

Scientists have isolated a sewing gene

A startling discovery was just announced in the field of genetics. All around the world scientists everywhere are verifying that yes, there is indeed a genetic sn-genetransferpredisposition for the needle arts.

It was discovered as a by product of the NFL funded study on sporting genes. That study was inconclusive but the shocking sewing gene was isolated. 15% of the professional athletes who volunteered for the first study have discovered they are, in fact, in the wrong field.

Here are some reactions.

My sister-inlaw – Now I know why her kids always looked great on Halloween and mine had to wear store bought costumes. It’s because of me wearing the wrong brand of jeans, is this correct?

One of the 15% athletes – Now I know why the stitching on the ball always fascinated me.

Scandal in fabric production

full-moon-juarez-mexicoYou will not believe this but fabrics are NOT made on this planet. Nope, not in the Americas, Europe or Asia. No as well to Africa, Australia and both the poles.

Here is the HUGE scandal that the materials manufacturing moguls don’t want you to know. They are using Moon Elves and every single scrap of is being created on that orb in the sky. These elves are taking jobs away from people on this planet.

Call NASA now and demand they look into this. The number to call is 1 – 800 – 555 – Moon. Press 5 then 5 again and finally 5. Leave a message demanding an inquiry into the interplanetary fabric production.

That’s all the fake news!

Come to think of it, fake news doesn’t work for me. I like to read it but I call it fiction and I do it in a book! But for writing, I think I will stick to the facts!

Writing about quilts makes me Sew happy!

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I published a post with similar issues about click bait. You can read it here.

Filed under: humor, Quilts in the news

Tags: Fake news

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    Kathy Mathews

    My passions are quilting and sewing. Add to that French, Spanish, books, swimming, travels, new restaurants, yoga and chocolate and you have me. All of these are best shared with family and friends. Except for chocolate, don't touch my chocolate. You can email me at QuiltingSewingCreating@gmail.com

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