We quilters are a hearty and stalwart group of sewing fools. We muster our strength and sew all night. We dig down deep and finish that wedding quilt. We find the strength to make it through the entire quilt show and every vendor. Why? Because we’re quilters and that’s how we roll.
Oh yes, here are 12 new fantasy medications for quilters. We don’t need them or want them but since when has that stopped pharmaceutical companies? Read this list strictly for fun!
1. Quiltacone – This medication makes you quilt for hours with no pain. Your derriere will not be sore from sitting, your fingers not cramp or your feet ache from standing. Quiltacone is not for thread, no siree, it is a pain med just for quilter aches and pains.
2. Sewapril – Bored with sewing, just can’t start your engines? Worry no more my fellow sewist, this pill provides motivation and desire. You will sew like you’ve never sewn before!
3. Stitchthroid – Have a binding that needs to be put on BY HAND! Yikes! Don’t worry, don’t fret, don’t call your friend Floyd. Just pop a couple of Stitchathroid! You will stitch twice as fast all while giggling. It’s a hand stitchers’s dream.
4. Threadacillin – Having trouble getting that thread where it needs to go? Longarm and domestic machine threading becoming a nightmare. One spoonful of this and you can thread that machine blindfolded!
5. Needlapor – Breaking a lot of needles? Be vexxed no more, one application of this and every needle you touch will last two years, guaranteed. It’s the solution to a problem you really hadn’t even realized you had.
6. Quiltos – According to a study that I just made up, 80% of quilters grow bored at some point in the process. One injection of this and those UFO’s will practically make themselves. Sit back and enjoy the completions.
7. Blockaprofin – Making a whole lot of one block? Have you decided you really hate this block now and can’t understand why you ever decided to make 96 of them? One dose of bloackaprofin and you will whiz through those blocks and maybe even make a second set.
8. Cutanol – Bleeding from nicks and cuts? Needles causing red dots to appear on your quilts? Stop this with a couple of bottles of cutanol. Any blood that lands on fabric will instantly turn clear and Vampires will avoid you. Two problems with one drug!
9. Seevil – Vision cloudy after hours of sewing? Stitches not clear or the eye of the needle being tricky to find? Help is on its way, a couple of drops of Seevil and your vision will be crystal clear, even at night.
10. Quilta-Seltzer – Treats at Bee upsetting your tummy? Too much chocolate shared at Guild? We’ve got you covered – one capsul of Quilta-Seltzer and you’ll be good as new. Extra strength takes care of late night pizza.
12. Sewasprin – Too much sewing in low light? Head giving you pain? We can take that away with sewasprin. Take two and keep sewing in the morning.
Side effects – All of these pretend potions will cause you to lose some weight, make your hair thick and shiny and clear up any bad breath issues.
Who wants some?
Sew happy even without any fantasy medications!
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