Archive for August 2012

Digesting a Food Critic

At this very moment someone, somewhere, is rhapsodizing in purple prose about food. It is a subject that copiously  stimulates the gastronome’s  poetic juices.  In the food section of  any metropolitan daily  can be found this literary genre. “The bright barramundi meuniere is dressed in the classic brown-butter-lemon-caper sauce usually associated with Dover sole.” So reads... Read more »

Following In the Stutter Steps of Winston Churchill, Marilyn Monroe, and James Earl Jones

Note: This verse was prompted by Donna Vickroy’s article in Sunday’s SouthtownStar, “Speaking with confidence”. How painful must it be to stutter Whenever called upon to utter! Most people do outgrow it, true, But millions often never do. For some speech therapy will work. But not for all who have this quirk. For these there... Read more »

Calling a Deer a Horse: Romney's Big Lie

Republicans are good at doublespeak. That is, lying  is a keystone of their polity.  If it furthers their agenda, the  end definitely  justifies the means. Ask Mitch McConnell.  Ask  John Boehner. As an  example, take the  Big Lie that Obamacare is cutting $716 billion from Medicare. Pay no attention to what the facts are.  The truth. That the $716 billion will come... Read more »

Repeat After Me: The Parrot Is A Talker And a Thinker!

Note: Scientists  say that the African  Grey Parrot can think like a 3-year old child. The duck, the turkey, and the goose Don’t have the power to deduce. The hen who incubates her brood Won’t ever teach them to conclude. The penguin who lives where it’s freezin’ Is totally devoid of reason. And though we say wise as... Read more »

Do You Want A Nocturnal Aphrodisiac? Sleep On Your Belly.

Note: A scientific study indicates that sleeping on one’s belly will engender erotic dreams. Do your dreams seem to be expurgated? And the sex in surreal estate dated? I suggest you lie prone So your dreams will rezone To locations much better X-rated.

How Much Do You Know About Animals? Take This Quiz And Find Out.

Note: The following quiz was adapted from “Bill Burrud’s Animal Quiz” a collection of quizzes that first appeared in The National Enquirer.   1. What species is known as “the Houdini of the sea creatures”? 2. There is only one species of mammal capable of flying. Which one? 3. Which creature has a bosom like... Read more »

How to Fix the Olympics in 4 (Not So Easy) Steps

I have four suggestions on how to improve the Olympics. (1)  Make ithem again what they were meant to be:  amateur competitons.   The Olympics don’t need an NBA Dream Team.  They need a team of amateurs with a dream. (2) Get the corporate sponsors out of the equation.  Commercialism cheapens the games.  If a corporation wants to give... Read more »

One Drawback On Wearing A Maxi Skirt To Work

(Inspired by “How to wear a Maxi Skirt to work” by SmartSavvyStyle) You women in the working force Who want to wear a Maxi? Think twice. For you may have remorse When exiting a taxi.

Will Romney Go West For His Running Mate?

A conservative guy I know passes on partisan e-mails to me. The usual Far-Right echo-chamber stuff. This morning it was something called “GOP Dream Team”—Romney’s  ideal cabinet. In his hypothetical administration, Sarah Palin would be the Secretary of the Interior.  (You can tell right off the bat where this is going.) Michelle Bachman would head... Read more »

Toting Totem Poles at Lollapalloza

I didn’t make Lollapalooza this year. I could give you a thousand excuses. But the truth is (1) I hate big crowds (2) I love my eardrums. I do understand that they set an attendance record for the three-day “festival”—270,000.  Which may include a lot of second and third offenders.  On Saturday the Grant Park... Read more »