People love lists. That must be why they are so popular. Think of Letterman’s Top Ten. It may be the second reason, after the monologue, that fans tune in. The Daily Beast has published a list of the “Drunkest Cities”. Boston reels away with the Numero Uno…hiccup… honor. According to the market- research data, 7.4% of those 21 or older (4,750,296) are heavy drinkers. A staggering 347, 800, if my calculations are correct. I’m not sure if this calls for a celebration. I for one would not want to encourage any more drinking than the status quaff.
Boston’s traditional nicknames may have to be reconsidered. “Beantown” might now need the more sobering undertones of the coffee variety . “Hub of the Universe”—coined by Oliver Wendell Holmes—might take on the rosier glow of the “Pub of the Universe”. It would be more accurate for “America’s Walking City” to be recast as “America’s Wobbly Walking City”. And “The Cradle of Liberty” should have a nautical flavor: “The Cradle of Cinderella Liberty”.
What kind of statue does a city with the most dipsomaniacs receive ? How about a Pink Elephant? Which may be the town’s mascot.