BREAKING NEWS: Are you a Basic Bitch?

This is a public service announcement:


Alright. I didn’t want to have to go here, but I feel this needs to be addressed. THIS TRAIN IS MOVIN’ PEOPLE, AND IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE ITS SLOWING DOWN ANYTIME SOON. We need to stop this horrific breed before they take over and we become a nation full of Basic Bitches runnin’ around rampant. Basics. Yes, the problem is Basics.


The definition from the always classy and accurate Urban Dictionary:

A person, particularly a female, who believe they are the shit because they own a certain type of clothing/material that differentiates them from other people. They may also believe they hold a higher standard then regular people.


If you are unsure where exactly you fit on the Bitchter Scale, take a look, you might be basic if:

1. You think your life is sex and the city. It’s not, don’t pretend it is, it’s not.


2. You prefer a trolley bus over a night at the club most nights.


3. You tweet the absolute most basic things “11:11 Make a wish!, Dance like no one is watching, love like you’ve never been hurt, sing like no one is listening, and live as though heavens on earth.” How about you silence yourself like no ones told you to shut up.


4. You get a sixer of wine coolers to pregame.


5. You beg celebrities for a RT or follow (what does that do for your life?)


6. Shameless selfies. Everyday.


7. All you listen to and claim you vibe to is the Top 40 on the radio.


8. Coach bags.


9. Claiming your boyfriend is “the greatest boyfriend evvvaaaa!” On Valentine’s Day even though we all know you bitch about him the other 364 days out of the year and everyone knows he cheats on you.


10. If you say YOLO in a non joking, legitimately serious way.


11. Yoga pants more than twice a week. Yoga pants are the greatest thing since sliced bread, but let’s not forget there are other pants that need attending to.


12. You don’t pay attention to your eyebrows. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR EYEBROWS.


13. “I don’t do drama.” Oh honey, you do drama. You do it all day long.


14. You idolize Taylor Swift.


15. Your Tiffany Sterling Heart Tag Toggle necklace from 2005 is still displayed on your neck.


16. You’re a band wagon sports fan. One Stanley cup win in 2010 and suddenly @DrunkKane has 7k followers.


17. You are not making any daring outfit/accessory choices.


18. You pimp out cars such as Sunfire, Civic, or Neon.


19. You update social media on Saturday with BLACKIN OUT TONIGHT, LETS GET IT POPPIN, and then updating quotes from the bible on Sunday. “Thinkin’ singin on Sunday gonna save his soul, now that Saturday is gone.”


20. Drink pumpkin spice lattes when you DON’T EVEN LIKE THEM.


21. Snap pics of your meals daily. Your lunch isn’t THAT visually stimulating. Cool it on the uploads.


22. Being rude unwarranted. Especially when your wearing matronly clothes when your in your young twentys. See example:


Actual text from last night. This Basic shoved

my friend who was working at the venue.


23. You think Wrigleyville is the end all be all most fabulous night out destination of Chicago….psh, man, you already know.


24. Your pregame music includes something along the lines of “John Mayer Pandora.” Unless this is an intimate gathering or a potluck dinner then change it to something with a little more OOMPH. (or mmmce, mmce.)


25. You go out before the sun is down. You are home by 12:30.


26. Wearing flats to a club with a bandage dress. Unless your ankle is fractured and physically dangling from your tibia, suit up.



A Basic Bitch is one who likes what everyone else likes, because they think it’s cool to like what everyone else likes. A Basic Bitch is a manipulated pawn of media and everything advertisers want you to be. You are a marketers DREAM. Sure, some bad bitches have basic tendencies, don’t get it twisted, but having majority of those listed qualities, qualifies you as a BASIC.


By getting some actual opinions, innovative ideas, high self confidence, and a grasp of reality, then you’re getting somewhere! Like what you want to like! Have lame hobbies, be goofy, be YOU! You can fight this.


For further information, please purchase this educational program for 3 low payments of $49.99.






The first step is detection and awareness. Thank you.





LIKE my basic facebook page Pure Lyndsanity // @LyndsayMeyer /@Pure_Lyndsanity



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  • fb_avatar

    I love Coach bags, and I hate going out, and when i do, I never wear high heels. I pretty much hate high heels, almost as much as I hate plucked eyebrows. But sweetheart, I could care less what that makes me in your eyes. You must have hit menopause early. Thats the only way to explain your nasty attitude, and your desire to dress slutty, and go clubbing until you dry up. Try hormone replacement therapy. I hear it does wonders.

  • Coach bags for fag hags! Use them as weapons but not as accessories.
    Flat shoes--unfortunately I must wear them due to a back injury and foot injury as well. If only high heels were made with a flat elevation like the old 70's style coming back into fad.

    Taylor Swift adoration is like not even basic bitch but just basic musical idiot.

    I'm not even a bandwagon fan. At best, my "sports" would be dance like modern dance, ballet or just dancing all night as often as possible (with a back injury though in dike shoes I am struggling to fit into some Bitch category!).

    I don't like what everyone else likes but because I like other things everyone else hates me! Which makes me love myself. What type of Bitch is that?

  • Oh yeah, I meant to write PLATFORM SHOES in my last comment, which are a cross between flat shoes for basics and high heels for those who want to pump up and get pumped--but this cross between the two for people with back injuries should not be counted as a bad mark in the higher levels of bitch aspirations: platform shoes can be haute bitch which can be very funky and not basic at all.


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