In honor of November being National Adoption Month, Portrait of an Adoption is running a special series called 30 Adoption Portraits in 30 Days. Designed to give a voice to the many different perspectives of adoption, this series will feature guest posts by adoptees, birthparents, adoptive parents, waiting adoptive parents, and foster parents-turned-adoptive parents. Painful and beautiful, these stories will bring you a deeper understanding of what adoption looks like, allowing you to appreciate the many brushstrokes that comprise a family portrait.
What Dreams May Come
By Diana Perrone
My husband and I have been together since 1999. We got married in September of 2001. We knew right away that we wanted to start a family and never thought our journey to have children would be so long, trying and devastating. We thought it would happen immediately . . . boy, were we wrong.
As many newlywed couples do, we thought and talked about starting a family. We had fun discussing how many kids we wanted, deciding upon at least four kids — two boys and two girls. We would look at our baby pictures and imagine how our children would look. Would they have their daddy’s curly hair and my complexion? Would the little girls look like me and the boys look like their dad?
It never occurred to us that we wouldn’t be in charge of any details surrounding our children.
We tried for at least two years with no success. We tried Clomid — nothing. If anything, I had more problems after taking the medication. Then one day, I finally started feeling funny. That’s the only way I knew to describe it. But before we could even test for pregnancy, it ended.
I have always been told that a woman will know if she is pregnant before any test or doctor, and it was true. This happened one more time. After that, I was done trying. The pain, the guilt, the hurt of feeling like something was wrong with me, the gnawing fear that the miscarriages were my fault—it was just too much.
I decided that we were never going to have a family. It would be the two of us till the end of time. My husband agreed with me, because seeing me depressed and always blaming myself was too much for him to bear.
God was the only way we were truly able to cope. When we needed strength, we turned to him in prayer. Where else were we to turn but to him? He helped us cope with the situations that we had been enduring. He healed me as much as possible. Even with our faith, however, we struggled with our infertility. I still felt the void of carrying a child inside me.
But I have always had the dream and will to adopt a child, ever since I was a little girl. I wasn’t sure how to engage in a conversation with my husband about adoption. Adoption is not for everyone, and some people are just not willing to take on a child that is not of their flesh and blood.
In knowing all of this, I felt like this was the path God had chosen for us. But I didn’t know how to start the conversation with my husband about us adopting. After I got up the courage to talk to him, we started the long process of researching where to begin.
We looked into the foster care system and decided instead to pursue a domestic adoption. We soon found out that the road to domestic adoption –through an agency– was far too expensive for us. Once again, we felt like the dream of having a family was never going to happen. The feelings of resentment and pain, the depression and guilt, the questions of why, they all came flooding back. This time it wasn’t just me feeling this way; my husband was affected too.
This all took place over a four-year period. We talked to many women and/or family members and friends of women who were considering adoption. Our hopes would get raised, but then the women would change their minds, and I know that they deserved the choice to raise their children.
We finally were given the answer to why we waited for so long.
On June 11, 2008, I received a call from a very close friend of mine. She said she knew a pregnant lady that planned to give her baby up for adoption. My friend urged me to call a certain lawyer because he was the best around, and she knew a lot of people who had used him before. Truth be told, I was very leery about calling, due to all that we had endured in the past.
I asked God to tell me what to do, and I feel he led me to call this lawyer. I am so happy I did. The lady was literally in labor.
My son was born two hours after I first found out about him. He has been the best gift that anyone could have ever bestowed upon my husband and me.
Our beautiful boy is a very happy and thriving three-year-old.
I hope that by sharing our story, someone will be touched. I hope that at least one couple will be encouraged to keep fighting for their dream of a family. One day, an expectant mother struggling with the choice of adoption will hopefully be able to find comfort with her decision to give a couple the chance to be a family.
For our family, God was not late but just on time.
By Diana Perrone