In honor of November being National Adoption Month, Portrait of an Adoption is running a special series called 30 Adoption Portraits in 30 Days. Designed to give a voice to the many different perspectives of adoption, this series will feature guest posts by adoptees, birthparents, adoptive parents, waiting adoptive parents, and foster parents-turned-adoptive parents. Painful and beautiful, these stories will bring you a deeper understanding of what adoption looks like, allowing you to appreciate the many brushstrokes that comprise a family portrait.
Adoption Would Protect Her
By G, birthmother
I found out I was pregnant two months after my twenty-first birthday. My boyfriend at the time had been arrested for choking me, for which he spent a week in jail. I had just taken him back when I discovered I was three months pregnant, and he was the father.
I knew that I had to get him out of my life, and more importantly, out of my soon-to-be-baby’s life. I was terrified that she might be weak like I was and she would allow her “dad” to hurt her. Adoption would protect her. I chose a partial-closed adoption to keep him away from her.
It was the hardest decision to make, especially because my family was torn about saying goodbye to the baby. My parents wholeheartedly offered to help me if I chose to keep her. They even said they would let us move in with them and would financially support us, babysit — whatever we needed.
We do not believe in abortion in my family. But being so young myself, I couldn’t give her everything I would have wanted, and I was desperate to break all ties with her violent biological father. Fortunately, my parents were extremely supportive of my choice to place her for adoption.
The adoption forced my daughter’s biological father out of my life.
I found her parents through a private Christian adoptive agency. I first viewed a short video about prospective couples and narrowed it down to two. It was very important to me to feel like the couple could give her everything that I couldn’t. I picked her parents and was able to meet with them a few times during my pregnancy.
They were the type of parents I hoped I could be one day.
I remember the day she was born. I handed her to her parents and started to cry. Not just because I was saying goodbye to my little girl, but also because I was relieved that she would be going to a family that wanted her so badly.
Emotionally, things were extremely hard at first. I attended counseling to help cope with everything — the battery, the adoption, and how to move on with my life and achieve my goals. My family also attended therapy because it was painfully difficult for them to see me give my daughter up, even though they supported my decision.
After the adoption, I finished my four-year college degree and even earned my master’s degree. Like I touched on previously, I have a partial open/ closed adoption. We all decided the best for our daughter would be to share just little parts of her story throughout her life. I always receive pictures on her birthday and Christmas along with letters from her mom about all the news and events in her life. I feel extremely grateful for these simple packages and look forward to them every year.
I wrote a letter to my biological daughter a few years back and asked her parents to give it to her when they thought the time was right for her to learn my story. I know it will be awhile until she reads it, and when she does, her parents will be there to answer her questions.
Her mother, Tracy, recently sought me out on Facebook and we are now Facebook friends, which allows me to see all the events in their family. I hope to meet my biological daughter, Maddie, at some point in her life when she is ready.
I am now twenty-nine and married. Two weeks ago, I gave birth to a son. I just received a huge package full of gifts from Tracy. She even put a few of Maddie’s baby items in the package, which is very special to me.
Now that I have my son, I realize how completely Maddie was meant to be with Tracy and her husband, Daniel. I could never have given Maddie the stable family that she deserved, and she is turning into the most amazing girl due to her mom and dad, who were ready and capable of providing her with more than I could have.
Best of all, they love her as much as I do.
Time has proven that things would have been horrible had I stayed with her biological father. He was in the military and was court martialed and sent to the military prison for reasons I would not like to speak about. Last I heard, he was dishonorably discharged, got married and divorced within a year. He cannot hold a job. He is a disaster.
I try not to ever think of him.
I am extremely grateful because I owe everything to the adoptive parents of my daughter. I have turned my entire life around. And Maddie’s life has been wonderful from the start. I loved her enough to say goodbye at the beginning, and hopefully one day she will understand.
By G, birthmother