I’ll be rooting for “UP” this Oscar season. How could you not fall in love with adorable, round Russell – his sense of adventure, overeagerness, honesty and his moments of insecurity – whether or not he’ll get his wilderness badge and if someone will be there to give it to him. In the end, he finds someone who gives him his badge and makes him feel secure.
During these months of waiting to receive a match from Nepal there have been many days and nights that I have felt similar fleeting moments of insecurity. Some days my heart beats with excitement and I wonder when it will happen; other days I wonder if it will happen. Yet like Russell, I try to persevere and carry on with this grand “adventure”.
This waiting game has absolutely been a roller coaster ride. I never liked roller coasters. In fact, I remember waiting in line for the Demon at Great America and, after an hour of waiting, was too afraid to get on.
Although I was fairly warned that the international adoption ride was “not for the faint of heart,” I’ve been known to be impulsive and jumped on without much hesitation. Over time, I’ve learned that was an understatement. It’s been an emotional ride, and, in my case very much dependent upon the Nepalese culture and government. Initially this was difficult to adapt to and any small indicator that the Nepal Ministry may be matching families with children was a glimmer of hope. Only to find out the next day that the Ministry was shutting down for two months to celebrate Dashain, the largest festival of goddesses celebrating the triumph of good over evil. This was only one of many such instances.
During these long periods when there was no sign of movement, I put the adoption in the back of my mind and concentrated on running my business, or focused on having fun in a new relationship.
As time went by, I became more settled with the unknown and my growing faith that it will happen when the time is right just carries me through.
I often question whether or not I will ever feel that real sense of security…that things will just work out. And then I wonder does anyone experience this?
I am not talking about that momentary feeling of OMG when sitting across from your date at dinner and he brushes the back of his hand swiftly across the bottom of his nose – and you can’t help but wonder, “Gee do I have something hanging from mine?” or those days after the date wondering if he’ll call.
These are simple insecurities that we all experience every day. I am referring to the biggies – the overall feeling that everything is going to turn out okay – that I will have a family, financial security, health and overall happiness. Is it possible to feel completely secure?
My mother sent me this quote. It’s on my fridge and I read it ever day.
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men (or women) as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
I know many people who seem to have everything – fabulous husband, smart kids, gorgeous house, a great career….but they worry about money or if their children will get into the right school or if chemo will kill their father’s cancer.
Think of Elin. She seemed to have it all -a former model, married to a professional golf player with two gorgeous children? She had to have experienced bouts of insecurity during Tiger’s extramarital escapades.
So, the question is do any of us really feel secure and can we expect to? I don’t know if anyone is able to answer that question or provide an answer that suits the majority of us out there asking the question. What I do know is while this ride may not be for the faint of heart, it is most definitely an adventure.