Lessons Learned from Marriage...

Lessons Learned from Marriage...

I love seeing elderly people holding hands. It gives me hope that I will live out my days with my friend and husband, Peter. We celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary Wednesday and as I thought about our time together, I made a mental list of all the things I have learned so far in my marriage…

  1. It’s not worth it to be prideful. Whenever we have arguments, within minutes I shout, “STOP! Let’s just talk about it and be friends again!” I also cannot stand the silent treatment, which inevitably gives me a giant pimple by the end of the day.
  2. I should have let him see me without makeup a long time ago. The first few years were kind of exhausting because I wanted to appear attractive all the time. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and washed off my ever present eyeliner and let my skin breathe! That’s when you know a man really loves you. When you can go au naturel and your husband says, “You are beautiful.”
  3. We will never go back to the “good old days” and as good as those days were (before kids and the chaos of life) I never want to go back.
  4. I know we are on the same team. When you have kids, you often need a friend when the short people in your house gang up on you…
  5. Our relationship is still based on making each other laugh and even though we might be exhausted at the end of the day, we find happiness and laughter over some tea and a jigsaw puzzle. (I embrace being a nerd with my husband!)
  6. Kids change everything. I used to hear people make this statement before I had kids, never believed it, and now I am saying it. Kids change everything.


How long have you been married? What opinions did you have about marriage that have changed over the years?


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  • On our first date my husband asked me to take off my make-up. I thought if he was bold enough to ask I was bold enough to do it. April we will be married 25 years. I guess I looked okay. :)

  • In reply to Teppi Jacobsen:

    Wow. You are brave! I guess when we are young, we are so beautiful and fresh anyway! Happy 25 years to you both!! :)

  • I don't think I was even wearing make-up on our first date ( it was lunch). I like to set low expectations and rise above them later.

    Husband and I are celebrating 7 years together this month so we are still newlyweds. But here are some secrets to our success:

    We take a trip away together alone every year. Even if it's just a night at a hotel, kid free.

    When we fight I remind myself that preserving the relationship is more important than being right. The issue usually comes back again and I'll get plenty of chances to prove how right I was!

    Happy Anniversary!

  • I love the taking the trip advice. We need to get in the habit of getting away. Congrats on 7 years!!

    Yes, preserving the relationship is key and remembering that in the midst of a fight is so important! Great advice....

  • In reply to erago:

    Oops! I meant 8 years together!

  • Happy Anniversary to you! My husband and I have been married for 14 years, and I am still amazed that we continue to make it work.

    Sure, there are days when I want to throw large, heavy objects at him, and I'm sure that he really doesn't have to always go to the bathroom in the middle of my craziness.

    I don't doubt that we will still be together in another 50 years, though. Sure, he may be the sweet, sexy old man who always "falls asleep" whenever I start talking or invite my gaggle of girlfriends over, and I may be the hot old granny who is always rushing to lunch with the girls, darting to Bunco and visiting the grandkids, but I know that we'll still be together because we were honest with each other at the very beginning about all of our differences.

    He accepted my constant crazy and I accepted his calm. We balance each other and love each other enough to let the other person pursue our own interests. We respect each other.

    I wish you and your husband decades of laughter and love!

  • In reply to soontobehotmama:

    Oh how I love you and your husband and KNOW you guys will be holding hands when you are 100! :) What great advice. It sounds like you have it all figured out. Honesty and acceptance. I am certain you will be a hot grandma and I will come to all of your bunko games!

  • Thanks for reminding me about the importance of laughter and having fun. Sometimes at the end of the day it's hard to be in a good mood--it's easier to be grumpy. Just finding 1 funny thing to talk about can make a big difference. I wish you guys 50 more years of happiness!

  • In reply to AmandaJ:

    It is always hard to be in a good mood at the end of the day! Sometimes I have to force myself to smile especially when 4-6 is when the kids get pretty cranky and wild. Serenity now! :) We laugh a lot, and sometimes it's an insane laughter...
    Thank you for the well wishes!

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