I'm so tired!


Do you ever get so tired sometimes that you feel physically ill? Do you ever just get tired of showering? Not that I plan on stopping for good, but it can be a real chore sometimes, especially when I am tired and have no energy, and especially for women, especially when there’s the shaving and possibly long hair to wash. I shower at night after the kids go to sleep so this is often the case.

How does anyone stay awake to watch a movie? One night it was 8:30 and this was a free night without the kids. Thinking, “I got this”, I smugly proposed watching a movie at home with the husband after our dinner date. It’s so early that I don’t even need any stinkin’ coffee at this restaurant we were at, I thought to myself during dinner. (we usually never start a movie on the weekend until 10PM, after the kids go to sleep.) Well I was dozing by 9PM, after struggling to keep from nodding off almost the entire time in.

One date night, the husband had the brilliant idea to go for the trifecta- dinner, drinks, then a 10:00 movie. I knew this was risky, yet I agreed, excited for a chance to do all these adult things in one night without kids. Of course it ended up in failure, with both of us taking turns nodding off during the movie. This was even AFTER covertly taking “stay awake” pills at the bar before we saw the movie. Pitiful.

If this is going to happen on a Saturday, I must take a nap beforehand. Or drink tons of coffee. It’s the only way I would be able to watch a movie. So “Live P.D.” at home usually wins out, that way we can just watch until we fall asleep on the couch, no harm done.

How is anyone an alcoholic? Alcohol makes me so sleepy. At parties when I drink I have to keep on my feet to avoid falling asleep on a relative’s chair.

I nap anywhere now. This is different. I used to scoff at people who did this, I couldn’t understand how anyone could doze off in a public setting. Now that train to and from work will work its magic on me occasionally and rock me to sleep like a baby. I find myself more and more needing to pull over to nap after long drives home from work.  Heck I just took a nap in the warm, comfy chair at work on my lunch break.  No shame!

Pretty much my entire home life involves putting stuff away. Then there’s the incessant laundry, and the heap of clothes that need stain remover applied (my kids are messy). Litterboxes always need cleaning. Cooking needs to be done, then the cleaning after the cooking. This involves vacuuming the floor after meals because of those messy kids, and because I don’t want ants! Then dessert and ITS crumbs and the incessant demands for milk and juice. Pick up the toys or at the very least clear a pathway so no one rolls an ankle on the hundreds of tiny pieces everywhere. Keep an eye out on the now crawling baby. More than physically, constantly being defeated by my own house, my supposed sanctuary, is mentally exhausting.

I am a hot mess 95 percent of the time. My brain rarely shuts off. I am thinking about what pictures I want to put in what frame. Going over what I bought that day and trying to justify needing the items. What I need to do the next day and how will I fit it all in.. Here I am at 41 wondering how so many people seem to have it all together by now. You know, the ones who have already started a business, written a book, been to 5 continents. I can’t even keep up with grocery shopping and buying birthday gifts.

Do you ever wish to be sick just because you crave some relaxation time in your bed and being waited on/taken care of? Besides that, you get a break from your chores and everyday life! No? Well then you don’t know what being mentally beaten and worn out is. I know, I know. Every time I am sick I just want to be better. But you get my point.

I just wish I could sleep forever sometimes! (not in that way, relax. In my bed).

Filed under: getting older

Tags: tired

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