Getting older musings



I REALLY HATE my hands at age 40. They are thin, bony, fragile, and veiny. I think I will have to go around wearing gloves at 45, I can barely stand looking at them now. The husband often says, “Eww put those things AWAY”. One time when I was freezing cold at a ballgame and my hands were exposed and the color drained from them, he told me my hand looked like a skeleton’s. And he was right.

Now I’m starting to hate my face. I still like my face, but could do without the marionette lines that seem to keep getting deeper and deeper. I credit these from keeping me from getting carded any longer. I feel a bit insulted and crushed when I am not carded. I sometimes see my face and think, “that’s not me! I’m young, I swear it dammit!” I once read that 35 is the last age at which a woman continues to be able to physically look better and improve. After that looks are all downhill. SIGH.

In most pictures (unless it is a fantastic angle) even thin people are going to get an extra chin they didn’t bargain for. Thus I must take on average 10 pictures to get one good one (no wonder everyone looked like crap back in the day before digital/cell phone cameras).

I quickly run out of gas after two or three drinks tops and then I am ready for bed. As the husband once said one Saturday night at home when we were both trying to stay up after the kids went to bed to enjoy some peaceful time: “I’m not doing couches or chairs right now. ” We have also been known to hop on the treadmill on a Saturday night to wake up a bit and not fall asleep by 10:30. (It still is usually fruitless afterwards. At most it buys me about a half hour of awake time. Pathetic.)

On that note, I’ve given up movies. I can never stay awake. (or maybe it’s because 95 percent of all movies nowadays are BAD?) Anyways, it takes me about four or five viewings to watch one movie. #OLD

I have sore, sensitive gums and teeth. The dentist now HURTS whereas before it was merely an annoyance because it took away from my Tom and Jerry time.

I can’t sleep hot anymore. I used to be cheap and try to save on A/C costs but now my comfort and sleep is more important.

I sometimes wish I had an internet stalker. Nothing weird. I like to imagine this sometimes.

When I was a young awkward idiot I miraculously had to beat men off with a stick. Young, old, creeps, drunks. A foreign man of my father’s age that could barely speak English wanted me to read his book. Then he bought me some garage sale type clothes, which he had in the truck of his car. I declined. Charming. Now I rarely get an admirer. Honestly once the wedding ring appeared at age 28 was around when they stopped. I kind of miss it.

I am extra conscious of not dressing too young, or too old. I have a very sparkly black jacket I ordered online from China to replace the one I lost in Vegas while drunk. Only this one is extremely sparkly, the other one just had a few sparkles. I now wonder if I am in old lady sparkly territory. Because old ladies love their sparkles.

I question whether I can still wear certain things. I have deemed thick headbands and tube tops a no and for guys, I have come to realize that plain colors are your friend. No elaborate prints or graphics (young man’s territory!) I have gotten rid of most of my clothes that are too clingy, low cut or young.

It is harder and harder to get into and out of low cars. There is always a grunt involved. I fully appreciate and understand the uptick in higher SUVS on the road as the population ages.

I am less limber. I’m often stiff.  I could never touch my toes to begin with, but now I REALLY can’t touch my toes.

My new thing lately is car naps. And sometimes lunchtime chair naps at work. I get so tired sometimes that I practically fall asleep at the wheel (hey I have a baby and no free time so I sabotage myself and stay up late after baby goes to bed for rare “me” time.) So I pull over at a safe looking spot in the suburbs and let my eyelids close for about twenty minutes until I’m better. No shame. I never used to understand people who could practically fall asleep on command like this. I thought it was weird. I thought napping in your car was for old guys. Now I’m weird.  And old.

When I’m older, serve me a “Silver Gimlet” (a drink I made up for seniors) and let me fall asleep. But by then my time will (hopefully!) be my own and I can nap on demand. Looking forward to retirement! (or maybe this is just a major sign that I need a major change.) SIGH


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