An introvert's problems

Oh no I feel a sneeze coming on. I’d prefer if you didn’t acknowledge my sneeze. Why do we all still do this? Yet I still do. Just not to strangers. I feel awkward if I don’t “bless” someone. And I’m not even religious! I hate the attention a sneeze brings.

I was out for a bike ride one day and passed a lady and her dogs. Then I passed her a second time and we said hi. I am NOT going to pass her a third time, I said to myself. Because then what do we do? Say hi again or pretend we don’t see each other? Ignore her again? I went the total opposite direction, and deflected from my normal route. I often wear sunglasses, even on cloudy days when out for a walk, just to avoid eye contact.

As an introvert, I am terrified to answer the doorbell. A no soliciting sticker really means nothing. I’m not afraid of Jack The Ripper being on the other side of my door, but of the interaction. If I am not expecting you, I do not want you ringing my doorbell, unless it is an emergency. And in that case you probably have my phone number.

Which brings me to something else I despise- phone calls. Text me please. I actually find myself very irritated when people call, which seems so old fashioned.

As much as I’d like to have new friends, I don’t want to make new friends.

I always think how funny it is how people don’t really know me. Why? Because I don’t talk about myself like most people love to do. I may have a deep, troubling problem but I hide the pain behind my eyes.

Words don’t flow easily for me. I prefer to sit and listen. I often wonder how some people never seem to run out of stuff to say or witty retorts. I keep notes in my phone about topics to discuss with people.

awkward

As a child, I hated sleepovers. The other girls all seemed to be having a blast and I just wanted to be alone with my My Little Ponies.

An introvert could never imagine having a roommate! In the Air Force I was forced to though. I tried to sleep as long as I could to avoid her. She was nice and invited me places, but I just tried to be invisible to her. I’m not that extreme today, but I still could never imagine living with a roommate, even a good friend. I would rather live solo in a teeny, one room studio if that’s what it took!

It’s hard working with all extroverts. I feel like I am the odd man out, the black sheep if you will, because I don’t drone on and on about nonsense all day long, complain, or discuss the latest sports game.

When I am at work, I must put on my “actress” hat to seem normal, even though I never feel normal, that is, like all the extroverts. Let me clarify: there is nothing wrong with being an introvert, but when you are surrounded by a sea of extroverts, you damn well feel something is wrong with you because you don’t act like “one of them”.

I always wonder how they have so much to always talk about. I generally hate small or unnecessary talk, and run out of anything of substance to talk about after about five minutes. I mean it’s not like I went rock climbing or jumped out of a plane over the weekend. I may have tried a new bar or restaurant. And that’s a maybe. After about five minutes wasted talking about that I’m spent. A deep, meaningful conversation is definitely more my forte.

shy

I can take about 4-5 hours max at a party before I’M maxed out. Certainly not overnight. I can’t “do” adult sleepovers anymore.

The husband’s aunt and uncle have a house in Michigan. It’s a party house with a pool and hot tub, and they host a weekend every summer where everyone stays overnight. Yes it’s nice to have some fun and then just crash and not have to drive, but then there’s that dreaded next morning.

What do you do or say when you’re vulnerable in your pjs, not looking your best, without makeup and waiting for the bathroom to get presentable. Then I feel rushed in said bathroom because others need a turn. This is stressful for me and NOT my idea of a good time.

Not to mention sleeping amongst others is always weird, no matter how you slice it. It would be a bit awkward with my own sister in a hotel room.

I like going out and parties, but in small doses. I just need extra time to recharge my batteries afterwards is all, and it can’t drag on all day or I’m miserable. I always need some alone time, especially on a vacation. The thought of renting a cabin with two other couples and their kids sounds horrifying to me.

Don’t mistake my quietness for meekness. . I’m listening, and dammit I’m judging you loudmouths!

Filed under: Introversion

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