On a recent episode of the TLC show “My Strange Addiction”, the fascinating and disturbing paraphilia known as Paraphilic infantilism was featured; or in layman’s terms, they covered adults who dress and act like babies.
One of the subjects featured was Carlos Zambrano. Ok..no he wasn’t. But he could have been.
Because Carlos Zambrano is a big stupid adult baby-who happens to be a pitcher. He may not wear diapers, but he nevertheless is an adult man who perpetually acts like a baby.
A big stupid adult baby who happened to be a pitcher, would probably drink coffee(maybe out of a “ba ba”) -despite the advice of mature adults, before starts.
A big stupid adult baby who happened to be a pitcher, would probably regularly throw tantrums on the mound, petulantly flailing his arms and incoherently screaming at umps. Like a baby who hits a playmate for taking his/her toy, he would probably “throw at” opposing players who he feels have embarrassed him.
A big stupid adult baby who happened to be a pitcher, would probably regularly break things in the dugout-like water coolers and bats.
A big stupid adult baby who happened to be a pitcher, would probably be a bad teammate, a difficult player to coach. He would probably regularly show up teammates, or snappishly shout at them -he may even inexcusably punch one of them. Much like a baby who refuses to leave the ball pit at a play land, he probably would be difficult to take out of the game-huffing and puffing his way to the dugout once he finally gave in.
A big stupid adult baby who happened to be a pitcher, would probably treat every strikeout like it won the World Series. Like a baby who says “look at me mommy!”-he would seek attention by putting on embarrassing displays of histrionics-maybe even regularly and inexplicably pointing at the sky .
A big stupid adult baby who happened to be a pitcher, would probably be forced to regularly make insincere apologies, with accompanying disingenuous promises attached to them. Baby/Zambrano- “I’m sorry-I promise I’ll be good this time”.
No Carlos-you big stupid adult baby, you won’t be good this time.
Hopefully the Cubs, the in denial parent in this case, finally come to their senses, and leave you on someone else’s doorstep.
Like maybe the doorstep of TLC studios?
Be Good Friends,