The Chicago Cubs are Ketchup, and other Reasons I'm a White Sox Fan

The Chicago Cubs are Ketchup, and other Reasons I'm a White Sox Fan
In anticipation of this weekend’s second leg of the biannual “Crosstown  BP South Side vs. North Side Bad vs. Worse…Cup…Classic”, I thought hey, why not  identify my reasons for being a Sox fan, by lazily resorting to illogical metaphors, loose associations, and shameless stereotypes?  Yep, no way this has been done before. 
I’m a Sox Fan because:
Despite growing up 15 miles south of Comiskey Park, it always felt as though it was in my back yard, as if it was a salient feature of “my neighborhood”. I never felt uncomfortable in my neighborhood, and likewise, never felt uncomfortable at Comiskey Park. Wrigley Field on the other hand could have been in …Wasilla, Alaska as far as I was concerned,  and that self-exaggerated disconnect was evident any time I set foot in the Friendly Confines.  Simply, I felt out of place, like Adam Dunn on base, or Chris Christie at a salad bar.  
As a wide eyed child, I would have simply called Comiskey Park “fun”;  while as an overly analytical adult, I would label it (as well as its successor)  unassuming. Sure, Comiskey Park and U.S. Cellular field may be the structural equivalent of your drunk uncle, rough handshake, cut off sleeves, forearm tattoo and all, but Wrigley Field is your closeted alcoholic Aunt, who, despite being in desperate need of a “check up” herself, sits around diagnosing the problems of everyone else. 
I’m a Sox Fan because:
If the Cubs were a woman, they would be of the baselessly snobbish ilk, you know-the condescending type whose self-worth resides in their Prada Bag, or father’s beach house. Granted, if the Sox were a woman you would see them in an unflattering hoodie as often as you would hear their Parliament provided smoker’s cough, but personally, I’ll take the company of the latter any day. 
I’m a Sox Fan because:
 
If the Cubs and Sox were superheroes, the Cubs would be Superman and the Sox would be Batman.  As to why one would prefer to be the latter, I refuse to state the obvious.  
baseballsuper.jpg
I’m a Sox Fan because:
If the Cubs and Sox were condiments, the Cubs would be Ketchup and the Sox would be barbecue sauce.  Ketchup, like the Cubs, is popular throughout the Nation, but largely panned by those with a developed palate.
I’m a Sox Fan because:
Superman, much like a 12 year old, would certainly love both Ketchup and the “Cubbies”-(both the team-and the diminutive nickname)
I’m a Sox Fan because:
Jim Belushi is an avid Cubs fan. Jim Belushi’s job is to be funny. Jim Belushi has never said one funny thing in his life…except maybe “I’m funny”…or “I’m an actor/comedian”
I’m a Sox Fan because:
Michael Jordan wore the uniform, (kinda) and I’m guessing if Derrick Rose decided to bring his talents to baseball , he and his “I just wanna win” attitude, would choose the South Side as well…or at least whatever side of town Single A Kannapolis is located. 
I’m a Sox Fan because:
President Reagan was not only a Cubs fan, but a former Cubs radio announcer as well. My guess is he like most Cubs fans, wanted to forget the 1984 NLCS against the Padres. Luckily for him, he did by around 1988.  
I’m a Sox Fan because:
The Cubs had Juan Pierre first…so fool me once, shame on..….. Oh… that doesn’t help my cause.
Be Good Friends,
@koolking83

Comments

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  • you make me ashamed to like ketchup...

  • The white sox SUCK and the cubs RULE!!!

    Go Cubs.

  • sorry.

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