It Just Isn't Fair

Life isn’t fair. You hear it all the time. When you’re little and you complain, parents are quick to let you know, “life isn’t fair.” When you don’t get your first job out of college, your friends take you out, get you drunk, and you all commiserate over how “life isn’t fair.”

We all know life isn’t fair. We know. We’ve all been through a “life isn’t fair” moment. We use this phrase as an excuse to get through those smaller moments, to grow up and learn. We wonder why he got the girl, or why they have all the luck, or how she became prom queen.

But there’s a difference between life not being fair and something that changes us forever.  And sometimes when something happens and we are forever changed…It Just Isn’t Fair.

It’s not used enough. It just isn’t fair. Not out loud. Not in ways that matter. We whisper it behind closed doors, where we think no one will hear. We don’t say it how it should be said, though. We say a lot of things. After the diagnosis, after the loss, after the tragedy. “You will fight this. You’re so strong. There’s a reason this happened. It’s part of a plan.” But then we go home, close that door, and say “it just isn’t fair.”

Why? Why can’t we say it to them? We need to stop being afraid of those words. Stop thinking we’re always being helpful by giving the “right” catch phrase or advice or fucking postcard greeting. It just isn’t fair.

I have a friend. A dear, wonderful, perfect soul of a friend who is fighting cancer for the third time since I’ve known her. THE THIRD TIME. She’s a newlywed, and she’s young and vibrant, and so very encouraging. She’s optimistic, and all the results are coming back with positive news. She’s the strongest person I know. But you know what?

It just isn’t fair.

I have another friend. She’s lovely. She’s someone who stands up for what’s right in this world and works everyday to make this world a more accepting and loving place. She lost someone in her family before she even got to know him. She never even got to know he existed, and by the time she did…he was gone.

It just isn’t fair.

I have people who are more than friends. They’re basically my family. They have had to fight every single day since their babies were born to keep them alive. And now, at three, it’s an ongoing battle to make sure that those two amazing little people get everything and every opportunity so that they can walk, talk, and thrive the way they deserve to.

It just isn’t fair.

My mother is dead. Her disease of addiction was more than her love for me.The few tiny memories I have are of her having foster visits with my siblings, and of her in a casket.  I will never get to know what makes me her daughter. I will never get to talk to her. I will never get to try to understand, I will never get to yell at her or say I forgive her. The closest I will get to that is when I cry and leave flowers on her grave.

It just isn’t fair.

All of these things, even though they are all so very different, these are the things that change someone forever. And it changes us in such profound ways, good and bad.

My beautiful young friend who has beat cancer before; she has learned to always find a silver lining, always find the good…but she will never walk into a doctors office without fear.

My wise beyond her years friend whose presence is just overwhelmingly cool; she will change the world…without a doubt. But she will always be left to skepticism, what else hasn’t she been told?

The friends who have become my family; they understand that it can all be taken away in a second. They do more for others than anyone I know. Anyone. They also may never have a real nights sleep, always fearful that it will all be taken away.

And then there’s me. I will always put myself in someone else’s shoes. No one is “too fucked up” for me to talk to. No one. I get “baggage” and I empathize. However…I will always be just a little too tough. A little too jaded. A little too harsh. A little too guarded.

When you’re changed forever, when you’ve been through the shit that makes someone look at you and say, “you should be way more fucked up”…you don’t always need to hear the cookie cutter, inspiring, rose colored glasses response. Sometimes, every once in awhile, you need someone to look at you, not even try to understand you or where you’re coming from, and say, “it just isn’t fair.”

Not with pity, not with sadness. Just because god damn it, it just isn’t fair.

Please, please, please be good to each other. xo!

Cheers, CasC!
PS, you can totally enter your email address below to get an email from me EVERY TIME I write a new post! I promise I won’t send you any spam/weirdo fetish stuff! (No judgment, yo!)

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