Being caught in the middle when friends fight is awful

A long time ago, in a Liberal Arts College far, far away, a couple friends were not getting along. Actually to say they weren’t getting along would be like saying Russia and Ukraine are having growing pains.  What they were fighting about isn’t important, but it is amusing so I’ll share. Cindy was pissed at Linda because she made out with Jane’s boyfriend. Jane and Cindy were BFFs and felt Linda’s indiscretion was, I don’t know what exactly since a few years later, Cindy and Jane’s ex-boyfriend did the horizontal mambo themselves.

NMSU-Truman State

When I went there it was called NMSU. It changed when Missouri discovered one of the Presidents was from there.

Also, although they broke up, Jane’s boyfriend got off (no pun intended) relatively Scott free. That’s right, Girl Power hadn’t been invented yet and instead of holding Jane’s boyfriend accountable, he was rewarded with sex with Cindy a year or two later. The make out session occurred in late December and Cindy gave Linda the cold shoulder for the entire Spring semester. She did everything she could to make Linda’s life uncomfortable and unpleasant. We were members of Alpha Phi Omega a service fraternity and the requirements — besides the whole In Friendship, Leadership and Service thing — would force them to be together on various projects. The funny thing is, Jane didn’t really care especially since she was gone. She transferred to another school because she completed her program at NMSU.

Then at the end of the semester, Cindy had an epiphany or something because she apparently apologized for how she treated Linda. I wasn’t there so I don’t know if it was one of those fake apologies or a sincere one.

I asked Linda about it once, and she said something like — keep in mind, I’m going off more than two decades of old memories here:

It’s nice that Cindy apologized but it doesn’t really undo the sixteen weeks of hell she put me through to get here especially since that was my last semester..

I was thinking about Linda’s declaration the other day and the story that goes with it. Over the years I’ve had perhaps more than my fair share of falling out with friends. At the time, I was angry at the other person, but looking back through the lens of time, I can see that they had as many reasons to be pissed off at me as I did to be angry with them. Sure, I’m the common denominator so that’s my demon and I face it more often than I like. Still, in most conflicts, rarely is one side 100% to blame. Perhaps someone is more to blame or perhaps someone has a better PR campaign and mutual friends pick the wrong time to either take sides or stay neutral.

Today there doesn’t seem to be a point in the future where a former group of friends and I reconcile our differences.

Still with enough time, anything is possible.

This post is a re-post from an old blog/column I wrote for another medium a long time ago. I’ve tweaked it a little to bring it up to date while hopefully keeping the content intact.

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