Looking at grieving through a new lens: The Book

I’ve been looking at the world through one lens for a while now, and it’s got my eyes open. I catch a bit of Mrs. Doubtfire on TV and it seems so sad to me. Funny too, but at its heart, so sad. I spend Tuesday nights with This Is Us waiting to learn how Jack died, and longing for a  flashback so I can see William again. He died too, just recently.

I’ve been working on a book about grieving for a long while, and now it’s done. One more edit, finishing the query letter, and off it will go to the lucky agents on my list. Sitting next to me is a tower of books I’ve consulted in the writing. Across the room is the banker’s box that holds notes, schemes, templates and more that I’ve exuded in the attempt to figure out what I’m trying to say. Now I look back on them with affection rather than distress because now I know.

I see loss everywhere because it is everywhere. Not just death-related loss, but the little ones too that crop up every day – not making the team, saying goodbye to the neighbor moving away, taking your kid to Bed Bath & Beyond to get linens for the dorm next fall. And, the point of my book, I also see connection and grace, because when do we ever see life more clearly than when we recognize the value of what we have, and what we lose? We grieve because we attach, and what sense would life make it we didn’t attach?

The other point of the book is that there is no escape from this, so we need to get good at applying meaning to our losses, by taking action to give our grieving a point. I claim there are gifts in that, in fact I’ve seen it in my counseling clients and myself. So that’s why I’m thinking about grieving and loss a lot these days. In a good way.


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