The Sins of General Petreus: A Film Treatment

The cast: General Petraeus, “biographer” Paula Broadwell, another general John Allen, Florida social climber and military groupie Jill Kelley, her recently divorced sister
Supporting cast: Loyal wife Holly Petraeus, and various FBI agents

The pitch: General #1 embeds Broadwell. Protecting her territory, Broadwell tries to chase away Kelley who appears to be after any general she could get. Kelley complains to FBI that she is being harassed by emails later found to originate with Broadwell.

General #2 stays busy emailing Kelley and sending bare-chested photos to her, but takes time out to intervene in custody battle of Kelley’s sister, rather than sticking with the battles he should be involved in what with the war and all.

Petraeus also takes time from his demanding schedule protecting all of us from terrorist threats to do the same. Presumably they both undertook serious study of the issues in the case and found that the Kelley sister was worthy of their intervention. Luckily, no attacks took their attention away from this worthy endeavor.

FBI begins to stick nose into CIA business, drawn by Kelley’s plea for help. Gleeful journalists, casting around for news to fill up their 24 hour cycle, discover the story as it unfolds over 5 days. They throw themselves into keeping it going at least until the next natural disaster, as everyone was tiring of the whole Hurricane Sandy thing.

In the final scene, Holly, pretending all along to stand by her man, poisons his oatmeal. Paula and Jill rush to his side hoping for one last photo op, but it is too late. Holly offers them both a bowl and they lift spoon to mouth while circling each other preparing for catfight. Fade to black.

Notes: Ludicrous, implausible, far-fetched. No viewer would believe that a man smart enough to rise to the heights of his profession would end up this way. Rewrite; keep last scene.

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