Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans

She also wore a fucking mime costume to the mall and went naked at a nude beach.
Ebola. JUST KIDDING! I want to tell you something that will inspire you so fucking much, you will either change a few things in your life, do nothing different, OR maybe you will do that stupid negative self talk like a wussy and be jealous and all, “I’m a loser,” and talk yourself out of... Read more »

Another post about lice because OMG fuck lice!

A descendant of American Revolution Heroes tweeted this to me today. I got itchy because FUCK LICE! It’s so awful in every fucking way that just thinking about when my family had to deal with the blood sucking bastards makes my sympathetic nervous system go ape shit. APE SHIT I SAY! Here is the tweet.... Read more »

Teachable moments and assholes

I hope both of my children will grow up to be confident and independent adults. It would kill me if, as adults, they turned out to be mom’s basement dwelling assholes, unable to hack it in the real world. I’m trying to do my part as a parent to teach them the basic life skills... Read more »

What do mental illness and porn have in common?

Are you normal? Is anyone? Does normal even exist? The answer is yes. The answer is also no. There is a range of normalishness. And so, with this wide range of what qualifies as normal, is there really such thing as mental illness? The answer to that question is yes! Mental illness exists, but the... Read more »

Crushing the stigma of mental illness, one blog post tirade at a time

Yesterday over breakfast, my mother and I were talking about how open people of my generation are to discussing mental illness. People of her generation (Silent Generation – people born between 1925 and 1945) wouldn’t dream of talking about mental illness of any kind in casual conversation, let alone acknowledging it in private. It just... Read more »

I wonder if I am I spending too much time thinking about Nate Berkus

Not too long ago, I was walking around Target and came across the Nate Berkus Collection. Mmmm…Nate Berkus. Mmm…bath towels. Oh, and shut up already about telling me how he is gay, and married, and has a baby on the way, and that there is not a chance in hell for me to be Nate’s... Read more »

Do you know how much your kids know about penises?

Pop music is the weirdest. Think about it! Sir Mix-a-lot’s song about loving a lady with a huge padonkadonk has become a sort of classic, and I use the term classic loosely, but you know what I mean. Everybody knows at least a few of the lyrics, gods help me, I know all of them.... Read more »

Snuggle up with syphilis

Would your like to snuggle up at night with your own plushy, stuffed version of a giant microbe like the syphilis spirochete bacterium? If this interests you, you can also get silky soft versions of chlamydia, pubic lice, or even gonorrhea for your creepy cuddling pleasure. My friend K sent me an email with a... Read more »

How to start a blog

I receive many query emails from readers asking me how to start a blog. Depending on my mood, I either delete them without replying, or I reply with what I realize seems like a brief, somewhat curt message. I tell people to type “How to start a blog,” into whatever search engine they use and... Read more »

Just when I thought I knew a lot of things, I learned that ducks have corkscrew penises

My son knows stuff. He still loads the dishwasher WRONG WRONG WRONG, but he knows stuff. Stuff about ducks. Stuff about duck dicks. Don’t feed the ducks any funnel cake! They might get the diarrhea! – Me Ducks always sling mud because they have weak sphincter. Their poo is always soft serve. – Zach Ugh.... Read more »