Twatter: Social Media for Senior Citizens

In honor of National Blog Posting Month – #NaBloPoMo, I’ve decided to feature some insanely talented guest blogger buddies of mine here on Moms Who Drink And Swear: Chicago Edition. This is the second guest post in the series and holy shit…I can’t even tell you how much I love it without making joyful noise, but you can’t hear it, so just imagine my joyful noise and know that I laughed so hard reading this that farts snuck out my bum hole. Enjoy Danielle Herzog from Martinis and Minivans story about Twatter.


Twatter – Social Media for Senior Citizens

By: Danielle Herzog from Martinis and Minivans

I am lucky enough to have one of those old lady neighbors who lives around the corner from me. She still calls young children “whippersnappers” and has an array of mu-mus for her varying moods. A bright flowery Polynesian one for sunny days and a zip up fleece one with a matching headband for cooler nights.

Her grandson recently moved in because I believe she is rich and he’s probably waiting for her to die. I have noticed that he does her grocery shopping now so I’m assuming he’s buying a shit ton of processed food laced with salt to help the kicking-the-bucket process along.

With this new roommate, my neighbor’s eyes have been opened to the world of social media. She has a Facebook page, which I’m sure widowed men in her senior citizen mahjong group stalk, and now, she’s on Twitter. However, for the life of her, she just can’t seem to wrap her head around the word Twitter.

“Danielle dear, “ she said one afternoon while walking one of those small dogs that look like something a Great Dane tells to be its bitch. “I hear you twat too.”

“I’m sorry, what was that ma’am?” I ask, stepping closer to see if I heard her properly.

“You twat. Isn’t that right? On that Twatter thing on the computer.”

I stop for a second, desperately trying to memorize every minute of this conversation occurring.

“Uhm.. Twitter. I think you mean Twitter.”

“Oh right, twit or twat, what’s the difference, right?” She answers with a flip of her hand and a smile.

For a second I think about telling her the difference. To explain to an elderly woman what twat means and how she probably shouldn’t bring up twats at her next senior citizen meeting. But I stop. I stop because the truth is Twitter really should be called Twatter. It’s a bunch of folks talking out of their asses and/or private areas so heck, I think my little old lady neighbor is genius.

Twatter – the newest social media outlet for senior citizens everywhere. One twat at a time.

Find Danielle’s Martini’s and Minivans
On Facebook
On Twatter


Leave a comment