Snuggle up with syphilis

Would your like to snuggle up at night with your own plushy, stuffed version of a giant microbe like the syphilis spirochete bacterium? If this interests you, you can also get silky soft versions of chlamydia, pubic lice, or even gonorrhea for your creepy cuddling pleasure.

My friend K sent me an email with a picture of the gonorrhea plushy her son received in his monthly delivery of Nerdbox toys.

I would name him Clancy. He looks like a Clancy.

I would name him Clancy. He looks like a Clancy.

The joy of knowing this stuff exists helps me deal with the pain that comes with acknowledging the tragedies in life like running out of salsa when you still have a handful of fucking tortilla chips left in your bowl.

I fucking hate that. Not as much as I hate it when I have fries leftover and no dipping cheese, but close.

I would very much like a bunch of my own giant microbe venereals, so I am putting them on my Christmas list. I’d like to have two of each plushy, because when I like something a lot, I want to have a back up in case the thing gets lost. So, in total, I would please like to receive 20 plushies, all of whom I shall care for and snuggle and name and cherish.

I’m wondering if you are wondering why my friend’s fifth grade son received an STD plushy with his toys. I would make sense for you to wonder this. It would also make sense for you to give it some thought. I did. I wondered what in the whole wide world of fucks parents of the kids that received these plushies in their monthly toy delivery were thinking. I know what I’d be thinking. I know what I am thinking.

Fucking brilliant!

In our house, we talk about stuff like STDs and sex and death and all kinds of things that are not always easy to talk about. There are certain conversations about tough topics should be given special consideration because of a child’s age, maturity level, and ability to regulate their emotions. My kids are old enough, mature enough, and able to regulate and process strong emotions pretty well.

Yet I admit I might have been a little thrown off to see a plushy candida when I was expecting a Pikachu or a fucking Care Bear. But you know, it’s the surprises in life that make it interesting. Unless that interesting surprise is a real like venereal disease, but I’m thinking that maybe chit chat about plushy pthirus pubis is might make it easier to talk to kids about the tough topic of STDs. Or not.

Either way, I still want two of every single fucking one. DID YOU HEAR THAT, SANTA?

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