Archive for September 2014

I wonder if I am I spending too much time thinking about Nate Berkus

Not too long ago, I was walking around Target and came across the Nate Berkus Collection. Mmmm…Nate Berkus. Mmm…bath towels. Oh, and shut up already about telling me how he is gay, and married, and has a baby on the way, and that there is not a chance in hell for me to be Nate’s... Read more »

Do you know how much your kids know about penises?

Pop music is the weirdest. Think about it! Sir Mix-a-lot’s song about loving a lady with a huge padonkadonk has become a sort of classic, and I use the term classic loosely, but you know what I mean. Everybody knows at least a few of the lyrics, gods help me, I know all of them.... Read more »

Snuggle up with syphilis

Would your like to snuggle up at night with your own plushy, stuffed version of a giant microbe like the syphilis spirochete bacterium? If this interests you, you can also get silky soft versions of chlamydia, pubic lice, or even gonorrhea for your creepy cuddling pleasure. My friend K sent me an email with a... Read more »

How to start a blog

I receive many query emails from readers asking me how to start a blog. Depending on my mood, I either delete them without replying, or I reply with what I realize seems like a brief, somewhat curt message. I tell people to type “How to start a blog,” into whatever search engine they use and... Read more »

Just when I thought I knew a lot of things, I learned that ducks have corkscrew penises

My son knows stuff. He still loads the dishwasher WRONG WRONG WRONG, but he knows stuff. Stuff about ducks. Stuff about duck dicks. Don’t feed the ducks any funnel cake! They might get the diarrhea! – Me Ducks always sling mud because they have weak sphincter. Their poo is always soft serve. – Zach Ugh.... Read more »

How to do girl's night out right

How to do girl's night out right
A couple of years ago, I told my friend D about Donna’s Cancer Story. I encouraged him to read it. D told me that he just could not read it. At the time, his son Q was only two years old. “It’s too upsetting,” he claimed, “I just don’t think I can take it.” I... Read more »