In July, I posted the first of what I hope will be many Fuck You Dinner recipes, a recipe for good goddamn homemade chicken tenders. I promised to share more, but I’ve spent the summer telling dinner to go fuck itself and letting my crothfruit’s shitty dinner requests roll and not cooking much.
My kids don’t care about variety, presentation, and mysterious flavor explosions. They have non-demanding palates that prefer plain. I can’t say I’m that much different. I like consistency. I don’t need variety or ascetically pleasing food presentation, but I do like flavor. Bring that shit on! My kids don’t eat lasagna.
Whatever. More for me, me, me! And Eric.
The grown up Kneppers love lasagna. Here is my gluten-free recipe for Dephuckinglicious Lasagna. You can gluten the goddamn thing up though, so just substitute glutenful ingredients where you want, m’kay?
All they want to eat is noodles, noodles, noodles.
Olive Oil (I used extra virgin, I’ll explain that later)
1 8oz. bag of shredded cheese – Italian mix
1 22oz. container of small curd (not turd) cottage cheese
1 C. grated garlic parmesan cheese (I get it at Target)
1 ½ jars of spaghetti sauce (flavor of your choice)
1 can (usually 14-15 oz) of diced tomatoes OR 1 ½ C of fresh diced tomatoes seasoned
1 pound of Italian Sausage (I use mild)
¼ C. minced onion
2 t. minced garlic (one t. for the sauce and one for the cheese mix)
2 C. fresh spinach (because vegetables motherfuckers!)
1 box of lasagna noodles
Salt and pepper to taste
Get a big goddamn saucepan or electric skillet. HUGE, okay?
Brown down the fucking minced onion. I use extra virgin olive oil. I use extra virgin, because I like the idea of something being extra virgin. What if people who had extra hard to break hymens we considered extra virgins? Or how about if guys who have never even spanked their junk could be considered extra virgin? Think about it while you add some fucking minced garlic. Add Italian Sausage to the smellicious mix of onion and garlic and cook that meat up right good. Add tomatoes and simmer.
Take the spinach and pulverize it into paste. I use a food processor. Beat it up good and then mix it into spaghetti sauce.
Add spinach infused spaghetti sauce to the meaty/tomato mix and simmer some fucking more.
In a separate bowl, mix cottage cheese and garlic parmesan. Add a bit of pepper.
Get your lasagna pan out and spoon some plain sauce into the bottom of the pan.
Start fucking layering! Noodles, meat mix, cheese mix, drizzle non-meat sauce and a sprinkle of shredded italian mix cheese, noodles, NOW FLIP THE ORDER to cheese mix then meat mix, a drizzle of non-meat sauce and a mega shit ton of shredded italian mix cheese. Sprinkle garlic parmesan on top and pop that tasty bitch in the oven at 350 degrees for about 40 minutes.
I forgot to take a picture of the finished product, because of course I did. When I’m cooking in the afternoon, my ADHD meds have long worn off and my brain is like a tornado of fuckery. I’m lucky I know my name at that point. Anyway, this lasagna is dephuckinglicious, even if my flavor-challenged kids won’t touch it with ten foot tongue. Eric and I dig it.
Poor sap only ends up getting two pieces, unless he hides some, because I eat it for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and midnight snack the next day, so the entire pan disappears as quick as a Duggar girl gets knocked up.
Enjoy. Modify the recipe. Whatever. Just show dinner who is in fucking charge, okay? OKAY!