Religion is the enemy of sex, but thankfully sex is winning

Religion is the enemy of sex, but thankfully sex is winning
Oh, Bo! Who can know? You ain't the only poet, Motherfucker! But Jesus wanted us to LOVE one another and I know he meant that shit.

In the history of sex, the worst thing to happen to sex and sexuality has got to be the inception or organized religion. You might want to argue that sexually transmitted diseases are way worse, and you might be right, because festering sores on genitals, insanity and death are pretty fucking horrid, so let me rephrase my previous statement so that it better explains the ranting and raving of this blog post. Ready?

Organized religion is a never ending source of bullshit shame and judgment that shreds souls of God loving human beings by making them feel like their human urges, wants, preferences and needs are dirty and wrong in the eyes of their creator and it’s truly the worst of the worst things that only distances people from God. Of course this is only my opinion.

And before you get your knickers in a bunch, let me say that I don’t think this is true about ALL organized religions, but it is for many of them. It doesn’t have to be, but it is. I’m sure that if the God of consciousness that is defined by religion actually exists, that God would fucking hate the horribleness that is heaved upon humanity in His name.

Yeah, I said it. And yeah, I know I sound like an angry atheist here, but I’m not. Well, I am angry, but I’m not an atheist. I’m more an agnostic with a deeply spiritual side, a human being who don’t seek to conceptualize or humanize what could possibly be the source of all things EVER, which is whatever the fuck God is, because how the fuck is that even possible?

It’s not. That’s how.

Remember how Johnny Castle was furious because Baby was in a corner and he danced that shit out? Well, that’s how I feel when people put God in a box. Furious doesn’t even begin to describe the boiling rage I feel when I hear a religious person – any religion – use arbitrary dogma that was created long before science and reason gave humanity plausible explanations for everyfuckingthing to shame, judge and exclude people based on their sexual preferences and behavior. I’m not much of a dancer, so I’m going to blog it out.


Yesterday, my son insisted that I watch Bo Burnham’s comedy special, What, because according to my kid, Bo Burnham is just a younger version of me with a penis and piano playing skills. Aside from Burnham’s penchant for jokes about pedophilia (which I don’t like because it sickens me and I’ve seen the devastation of child rape up close and personal and it’s fucking horrible), and the fact that my poems are superior (because I am older and therefore more twisted due to my experience with life’s fuckery), the kid is right. I rail against the injustice of bad logic and conventional thinking, unless the conventional thinking isn’t based on bad logic, of course. When I hard Burnham’s lyrics to his song about God’s perspective on everyfuckingthing, I almost choked up my vagina.

“You shouldn’t abstain from pork because you think I want you to. You can eat pork, because why would I give a shit? I created the universe, you think I’m drawing the line at the fucking deli aisle?”
Bo Burnahm

I invite you to use the word pork as a metaphor for sex, like Chevy Chase did with his son Russ in the National Lampoon’s European Vacation movie.

I sure hope they porked, because porking is awesome. But that’s not the point is it? NO! The point is that porking is a basic, natural and necessary human activity. Much like breathing, drinking and eating, the urge to pork and the preference of porking partners is unique to the individual. How could this not be the case?

That’s right. It couldn’t.

I don’t begrudge anyone their faith preferences and connection with their idea of their creator. Go forth and believe whatever the shit you want to believe about God, as you understand It, Him or Her. This is also a wonderful human need, the need to understand, and the urge to exist outside of existential crisis mode, wondering what the point of everyfuckingthing is anyway.

I get chu.

What concerns me is intolerance and judgment that is rooted in bullshit old school, man made dogma being passed off as a God validated reason for shaming and terrorizing human beings for being HUMAN. My kids have both received some negative feedback with regard to our family’s lack of involvement in religious activities. It sickens me, but instead of ranting and banging out angry tirades against the people who think it’s perfectly acceptable to impose their unsubstantiated opinions about what God thinks about how we live our lives, we practice our own gentle and forgiving type of religion that’s mantra is quite similar to this…

“Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn’t be a dick?”
Bo Burnahm

Around these parts, we speak openly and often about love, trust, respect, kindness, faith and humanity. We talk about sex in all its glory and beauty. I hope and pray (yeah, I pray – WHAT?), that my kids grow up to be healthy sexual beings, that they enjoy the pleasure of connecting with another human being in exciting, intimate and if they so choose, unconventional ways. I hope they will enjoy the experience of being able to consent to positive and reciprocal sexual relationships when they are physically and emotionally ready to do so. How will God factor into this?

Not at all, that’s how.

Sex is a human thing. Sort of like eating pork, you know? The God I imagine that would be powerful and beyond our understanding brilliant enough to create everyfuckingthing cannot possibly concern It, His, Her self with the petty details of the specks of matter It, He, She barfed into life. It just doesn’t make any fucking sense.

I mean, really, if God cares so much about what we are fucking, drinking and eating, why would It, He or She create so many exceptional, fascinating and delicious things to fuck, drink and eat?

He wouldn’t.

May the fuck be with you all! Enjoy some Bo singing his awesome tune – From God’s Perspective!

P.S. This post is missing about 50 commas and nothing makes me happier than giving the finger to good grammar, so fuck it.

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