The other day, I was all set to write something about the Listen to your Mother Chicago show when I heard this little voice from downstairs saying,
“Nikki – I’m so cold! So cold! Come warm me up in the microwave and put me in your bellay!”
As I walked down the stairs, I heard the voice of my mother drown out the voice of the salty frozen burrito that I’m sure was calling out to me. My mom has severe cardiovascular disease and has often said that she wished she’d made healthier choices when she was my age and has encouraged me to do so. Her words and poor health speak to me. I would make a healthy choice. I opened up the freezer. This shit fell out…
WHAT THE SHIT, husband? 1025 mg. of sodium!
Ok, my worst choices are never this bad. I shoved it aside. I wanted to throw it out, but I knew he would just buy more if I did. He loves him some bad choices, despite the consequences. What consequences?
Husband: I don’t feel so good.
Me: Oh my GOD it’s the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man!
Husband: Not funny. I don’t feel good.
Me : Oh, it’s you! Sheesh, Puffy, what did you eat?
Me : This nothing? (holds up empty, greasy fast food bag)
Husband: Oh yeah, that….
Me: Did you lick the bag too?
Husband: HI DADDY!
Me: Call him Puff Daddy!
Husband: Please don’t.
Me : How about Puff Dummy?
Husband: Really? It was one time. I’ve cut way back on the salt!
Me: (holds up box of pizza puffs) Puffy says whaaaaa?
Puff Dummy is a sweet and stubborn man who likes to make sweet love to salty junk food. Sometimes when he’s holding a slimy chicken wing up to his ear with one hand and uses the other to “tune” my boob like a ham radio, saying, “Breaker one-nine! Can I get a go ahead?” I think about how funny he is and how much I love him and want him to make healthier choices so that someday we can ride off into the sunset in an RV.
I guess my Puffy is no different than most people. We all struggle to listen to our bodies, our minds, our friends, our doctors, our spouses, children and it all fucking starts when we stop listening to our mothers.
Luckily, I have a mom who never yammered on and nagged me so much that I had to tune her out forever to survive. I did, however, go through a period of time when I didn’t listen to a goddamn word she said. I was a typical know it all teenager, but I came around.
Now that I’m a mother, I don’t just listen to my mother, I listen to all the mothers! I might not always agree with them, but I listen. I’m trying to be a good parent and there’s a lot to this gig and so much to learn from the wise women who have been through it. I want to live long enough to experience the joy of my kids listening to me again, because God knows my husband never will. And don’t get me started on the dogs…
So I am going to see the Listen to your Mother Chicago show!
Listen to your Mother Chicago – May 4, 2014 – 2 PM – Athenaeum Theatre