People have been asking the same three questions lately. 1) Why don’t you post as much on Facebook? 2) When book number two is coming out? 3) Can I have some of your Ativan?
First of all, about Facebook, well, when I have something to say, I say it. I just have less to say lately and honestly, I have a bit of social media fatigue. There are so many funny people to follow. Find them! Follow them. I’ll still be around. Second, about book number two – I’ve been scribbling a bunch of stuff down for book number two for a few months now. I write everything by hand and because this is my process, it takes a considerably longer period of time for me to churn out material. Last but certainly not least, about the Ativan?
NO FUCKING WAY! I need it. Get your own. Sheesh…
Anyway, I decided to write the book I’d want to read – a humorous collection of informative essays about mental health and motherhood. Personally and professionally, I don’t think there are enough resources out there for moms who struggle and the ones available are difficult to read and depressing! You might not want to read my new bookie-wookie. I realize that some of you prefer my fun side, but if I’m being honest, I can only write that stuff when I’m feeling that stuff, and life isn’t always funny.
For the new book, I’ve been doing research and trying to integrate what I feel is important and interesting information into these essays in a way that doesn’t suck, and although I am writing the book I’d want to read, I’m keeping in mind your messages, emails, feedback on blogs and feedback and suggestions regarding my first book.
It will be funny, sure, but only if you understand what it’s like to have such severe post partum depression and you’ve been so tired and anxious that you forget that you took Ativan and end up taking more Ativan and realize that you are about to pass out from all the fucking Ativan, so you have to call your neighbor to watch the baby until your husband can come home to take over.
Anyhoo…it’s been a year since my first book came out and it’s still selling consistently as my readership on Facebook and my blog grow. The vast majority of the reviews of my book have been good, which is nice, considering it’s my first book and all and I worked my ass off, you know? For a chick with ADHD and dysgraphia, I think I rocked that shit. The reviews are pretty much what I expected, because like my blog and Facebook page, my book is NOT for everyone.
It’s all so filthy! So much profanity! I’m not sorry that I’m not sorry. I’ve bled my soul into my blog and into that book, but trust me when I say that the damage you’ve witnessed was merely a flesh wound compared to what’s coming up.
UNIVERSAL PRECAUTIONS, PEOPLE!
Five years ago, my mind and body were all full of fugly. I wrote my way out of what I can only describe as a black emotional, spiritual, mental and physical place. I found my funny again by sharing weird world and words. My words found a home on Facebook first and then on a blog and that blog became a book. That last part was unexpected. I take none of this for granted. I also realize that what catapulted me to “social media juggernaut” status has much more to do with my snarky Facebook blurbs than my blog posts. I also realize that now makes me feel like a big phoney. Who I am now can be found in the heart of my blog.
A fraction of my Facebook “fans” read my blog and a fraction of those have read my book. My book has its fair share of funny, but anyone who has read it can attest to the fact that it dabbles in gloom and I merely scratched the surface. My blog continues to be a place where I vacillate between sarcasm and serious, focusing on wellness and authenticy. My hope for all of us is that we can continue to embrace our imperfections while laughing and learning together.
The book I’m writing now isn’t so much filthy as it is raw. I’m writing about the dark and difficult reality that is mothering while managing mental illnesses such as post partum depression, post traumatic stress disorder, bi-polar disorder, eating disorders, anxiety, personality disorders, substance abuse/addiction and depression. Once again, it’s not a book for everyone, but I believe with my whole heart that it’s a book that needs to be written and a book that will be read. I will find a way to get it to those who want to read it! I promise.
Because like the last book, this one won’t be the kind of thing that resonates across the board, so it might be a much tougher sell. The book I’m writing tells the story of every mother who has struggled to parent well with struggling with mental illness. Some women who suffer from mental illness are able to cope and even thrive despite their difficulties. Others don’t survive. Sometimes their children don’t either.
This truth can never be twisted into a funny.
The book I’m writing will honor and remember those women and children and hopefully prevent even one more from following in their footsteps. I’m writing this book because as much as I love the funny, the venting, the camaraderie that is now an acceptable part of parenting life, we all know that it doesn’t matter if breast is best for a mom whose baby blues have turned into a full blown post partum suicidal depression. Pass the formula. And the Zoloft! Boom!
There are so many funny mom bloggers out there. Follow them on social media sites. Read their blogs and the books that they have written (and will continue to write). I never set out to be a funny mom blogger. It was a side effect of my filter less spewing of frustration with friends. There was no method to my madness – I was truly going mad. I have no regrets. Writing saved me and continues to do so, but I would certainly regret not continuing to be authentic and writing what moves me.
I’m still crazy as a fucking three- dollar bill, but now I have a purpose and a focus, you know, because I’m getting the goddamn help I need to be the best person, parent and professional I can be. Long ago, I chose a career in mental health so that I could help others. That career was sidetracked by motherhood and mental illness, yet motherhood and mental illness brought me right back to where I started, which in a way, is just the beginning.
P.S. Full disclosure, I don’t take Ativan. I have, but I don’t now. I prefer Xanax, if I’m being honest, but I take Klonopin (as needed), because I trust the doctor, and that’s what she prescribed!