How to tie a f*cking tie

My son has his eighth grade spring formal today so I bought him a spiffy new outfit, sans the necktie, since my husband has a gazillion for him to choose from. I sent my son into the shit-hole that is his dad’s closet to pick one out, because I’m too afraid to even open the goddamn door. Turns out the kid has good taste. He certainly didn’t get that from me. I offered to teach him to tie the thing, but he said he wanted to figure it out on his own.

This is totes how I do it.

This is totes how I do it.

Alrighty then!

I had no doubt that he would do just that, despite the fact that he can’t find his ass sometimes and the thing is attached to his body. He figured it out fast. I mean, shit, we are talking light speed! Not only did he figure it out, but he did a fantastic job. The kid exceeded my expectations, so I had to ask him how he was able to learn so quickly and master it.

Z: Check it out!

Me: Fucking A, kiddo – you ARE the celery master of the universe!

Z: Don’t I know it!

Me: It’s perfect! How did you learn that so fast?

Z: I watched a tutorial on the Internet.

Me: Ok. That was super inappropriate, but funny.

Z: Inappropriate? Less f-bombs were dropped during this video than would have been dropped if you tried to teach me.

Me: Bullshit. Whoops! Sorry. Fine. But still…

Z: Still what?

Me: I don’t drop that many f-bombs into casual conversation.

Z: Ok, potty mouth, live in a la-la world of denial.

Me: I want to deny the reality that you are growing up too fast and before I know it, you’ll be off to fucking college.


Z: You just dropped an f-bomb into casual conversation.

Me: Fuck!


Damn kids grow up so fast.

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