I’m seriously considering breaking my 24 hour need vs. want rule for buying shit and getting this sign. I don’t need it. I want it. Sooner rather than later. I think my house needs a disclaimer hanging on the front door. Really, it’s only fair to our potential house guests that they know the risks before come inside. Boys live here.
Image and other fart stuff found on the “Popular items for farts” page on Etsy. Yes, this is a real thing.
Zach: This entire house smells like a fart.
Me: No it doesn’t. YOU smell like a fart.
Zach: I just showered.
Me: Doesn’t matter. You are a teenage boy, therefore you smell like a fart all the time. Nobody knows why. It’s a goddamn mystery.
Zach: It’s the house.
Me: It’s you.
Zach: Every room I go in smells like a fart.
Me: Every room I go in that has YOU in it smells like a fart.
Cate walks into the room…
Cate: Who farted?
Me to Zach: Um…hello?
Cate: Oh yeah, it’s just Zach stink. Why does he always smell like a fart?
Me: Teenage boys just do. Nobody knows why. It’s a mystery.
Zach: I’m outta here.
Me: Good. Then it won’t smell like fart anymore.
Cate: Do you think the guys from One Direction smell like farts?
Me: I don’t think it, I KNOW it. All boys smell like farts.
Cate: Let’s snuggle now that it smells less farty in here.
Me: YES! And we can watch Good Luck Charlie in a fart-free environment.
Cate: Unless one of us farts.
Cate: Still, our farts smell better than Zach.
Me: Also true.
Dad: I’M HOME!
Dad comes into the room.
Cate: Now it smells like farts again. Gross!
Me: Do you think we should get our own place away from these farty boys?
Cate: I don’t think it, I KNOW it!
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