Yankee Candle WTF?

My daughter loves candles. We spend hours in candle stores like Yankee Candle sniffing them.


We found this gem yesterday.


…the fuck?

Most, not all, unfortunately, but MOST of the people I interact with on Facebook are clever and funny, and I needed feedback, because what the ever loving shit, right? So I posted the above photo. Who comes up with the ideas for scents, and do kitten whiskers really have a smell of their own? I think NOT. Am I the only one who wants to tit-punch Yankee Candle for selling this nonsense?

I adore my Facebook friends. A.D.O.R.E. Yankee Candle should make a Facebook Friends scented candle. I’d buy that shit. You hear that Yankee Candle? I’d buy that shit STAT!

“That will pair nicely with my ‘Fresh Puppy Kidneys’ tea light set.” Julie from A Day in the Wife

“Ummmm what the fuck does THAT smell like?” Tara from Red and Company

“It smells like LIES.” Me

“Read the small print under the name: “with pure, natural extracts” …of what? Cat keratin?” Gayleen

“Cat farts. It smells like cat farts, from when they lick their own arse.” Gayleen again. I heart Gayleen.

“No.” Katy from I Want a Dumpster Baby

“Tuna. Ooof. No.” Andrea from The Underachiever’s Guide to being a Domestic Goddess

“What if you light a kitten’s whiskers? Does it smell like a Yankee Candle?” Mary

“The thing that boggles my mind is that someone would pay $20 for a candle that smells a burning pussy.” Sara

“It’s made from real bits of panther, so you know it’s good. OOOO it stings the nostrils!” Aaron

“What if the moon was really made of cheese?” Katy

“If the moon were ribs, would you eat it?” Tim

“Off point…but does ANYONE give balls of yarn to their cats to play with? I don’t even have a ball of yarn in my house…let alone 3 spare ones for the cats. And I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue if I did. No thank you!!” Sabin

I once pulled 5 feet of yarn out of my cat’s gullet. At least it wasn’t the other end. OTOH, my cat’s full name is Maud of the Crooked Whisker. Maybe this candle is for the reformed cat hoarder. Some people like the smell of Ammonia.” Leslie

And then, Mary Tyler Dad sent me a link to this


Image via LiartownUSA on Tumblr

And this


Image via LiartownUSA on Tumblr

Oh, Mary Tyler Dad, you complete me.

I stalked LiartownUSA on Tumblr until my head exploded and I fell asleep drooling.

P.S. If the moon was made of ribs, I’d eat the shit out of it.

P.S.S. This is not a sponsored post, but it should be. M’effers charge $500 for candles, I think they should pay me.

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P.P.P.S. Email Yankee Candle and tell them that you heard it from me that the kitten whisker candle does not, in fact, smell like kitten whiskers.

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