This mom resolves not to resolve aside from resolving not to resolve

I do not make New Year’s resolutions, because my experience with making them has been shit. Do I really need to set myself up for failure? I think not. I resolve not to resolve in any way, shape or form this year, aside from resolving not to resolve. Instead, I set goals. How is this different? Well, just by definition, goals are very different than resolutions.

Having resolve means making a firm decision to do or not to do something. For example, saying that I won’t spend time binging on Netflix while shoving food in my face hole, would be a lie. I just don’t have that kind of resolve. I am firmly against being this firm.

A goal is the object of an effort. Setting a goal means having measurable, realistic, and achievable steps toward an end result. If I were to say that it is my goal is to spend no more than one day per week binging on Netflix while shoving food into my face hole, this would be the truth. This is also measurable, realistic and quite achievable goal for me. I am firmly in agreement with this lack of firmness.



I can’t make a firm decision about what I want to eat for lunch, let alone commit to an entire year of doing or not doing something. I’m not a single gal. I can’t roll firmly toward my own selfish pursuits for self-improvement without regard for the schedule or needs of others. I am a mom, I have people depending on me to take care of them first, so quite often my needs take a backseat, and that’s just fine with me. I chose this life and I dig it, but it certainly makes it more challenging to embrace a steely resolve with regard to resolving.

Because you never know when someone is going to puke on you.

Or in the car.

Or in your bed.

Personally, I find myself improving a lot more when I’m not focused on myself all the goddamn time.

I have set goals, but I’m going with the flow. Hopefully not the flow of puke, but if that’s the way things flow, I’ll do what I gotta do as things I gotta do present themselves. The only thing I can resolve to do is to be realistic, because my reality leaves me no other option.

Realistic, measurable, achievable goals for 2014

Learn no less than 25 conversational phrases in Klingon

Make progress on book #2

Prioritize 30 minutes of mindful, healthy activity everyday

Increase fiber intake

Take less shit

Ask for help


Throw out this fucking kazoo

Bye-bye you stupid fucking kazoo!

Bye-bye you stupid fucking kazoo!

2014 is going to be a great year!

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