The lovely and talented people at the Tribune Media Group suggested that it would be swell if I did a series of videos.
I agreed for the following reasons:
1) Knowing I will be on camera regularly will motivate me to get my eyebrows waxed more than once a year, and this is good, because I have angry, drunk, Irish eyebrows that deserve more attention than they get.
2) I can send you subliminal messages, like Mugatu.
I really think you will enjoy them, even if you don’t realize that you are receiving them, because they are subliminal. You will be like, I really enjoy spending time with Nikki. I hope that like Derek Zoolander, she has something new and different to offer, like when he threw out Magnum and everyone was expecting Blue Steel. The working title for MY look is….are you ready?
3) It was really more of a command than a suggestion, and I’m nothing if not obedient as long as there’s money involved, and since I am a paid blogger, I can only be all, “Fuck you, Fuckers, I’ll do what I want!” 97.87% of the time according to my contract.
4) I can use my enthusiastically communicative boobs to educate, enlighten, and promote businesses, bloggers, charities, and ideas. I knew they’d come in handy someday! I just knew it!
5) There really isn’t a reason #5, but a list of only four things seems so….weak.
This video introduction makes me seem sweet and kind, when in fact, I am not. You wouldn’t believe the evil thoughts I have, the evil thoughts I had while this video was being recorded. Those of you who are adept at deciphering subliminal messages will know exactly what I’m talking about.
Be gentle. I’m popping my vlogger cherry here, people.
Thanks to Jim Wiser, Kristin Samuelson, and Tim Desrochers of the Tribune Media Group, for putting together this totally un-shitty video for me, and to Biz Ellis and Theresa Thorn from One Bad Mother for having me on your show and sending me the rad t-shirt. My boobs love it.
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